I was astonished to read this tweet today from well known anti-vaccination identity, Meryl Dorey:
Certainly, I agree that science never “proves” anything. Mathematics and logic have “proofs”, but not science. Which is why scientific consensus provides us with invaluable insight into evidence that applies to matters of science. More so, it is the flexibility of scientific consensus that gives one confidence in science. Dorey’s proposed infinite loop of unending testing is a semantic trick, designed to convey a feel of impotent stasis.
Scientific consensus provides the best explanation from the very best and most reliable of all possible theories. It has after all, extended lifespan and quality in the developed world. Surely there must be more to this reworking of reality. Facebook rewarded my curiosity.
I see. Further application of what we consulted just recently. Meryl’s Equation: < 100% = 0%.
Thalidomide was a watershed in how drug trials are conducted. The tragedy forever changed the way trials proceed before drugs are released onto the market. Vioxx – Merck’s COX-2 inhibitor – is equally concerning. Yet Vioxx represents regulator apathy and a triumphant change in scientific consensus. The FDA approved it in April 1999 and it was recalled completely by Merck in September 2004. There was no “ignoring evidence that their consensus is wrong”.
I’m not seeking to whitewash either event but they do not render scientific consensus as a valuable and crucial notion, suddenly useless.
I imagine mentioning “mercury” is aiming to cast the removal of thimerosal from childhood vaccines, in response to unfounded fears and a drop vaccination rates, as evidence it was causally related to autism or other horrors. In fact, speaking of consensus this remains a topical point. Many insist it was foolish to pander to the anti-vaccine lobby as it may be abused to legitimise their false claims. Such is exactly what we see here.
Depending upon what it is confirming, scientific consensus may come under attack as its relationship to the scientific method is open to exploitation and abuse. Denial of anthropogenic climate change, vaccine efficacy and promotion of intelligent design (biblical creationism), rely heavily on trying to undermine the fact of overwhelming scientific consensus. A key weapon here is in producing “their” scientists to attack the work of others and advance a sham alternative.
The relationship between scientific consensus and the scientific method is perhaps poorly understood. Thus, it befalls us to educate ourselves about the sources of proposed consensus. And by that I really mean finding reputable sources and knowing how to spot disreputable sources. I found myself recently struggling to explain these notions to a friend.
In Australia a documentary aired called I can change your mind on climate change. Presenting both “sides” (denialist rehash vs evolving facts) it was followed by an episode of QandA that offered a terribly worded poll. The question was “Would you change your mind on climate change”? By itself, my answer to that question is an unhesitating Yes. Availed of convincing evidence and a change in consensus I have no problem answering that I “would”.
Yet I suspect the question was worded to be seen in the context of the programme. In which case it should have read “Would you change your mind on climate change given the pathetically, preposterous, piffle to poke at the periphery of your predisposition to weigh dissenting views?” Er… No.
Nonetheless I spent a futile half hour attempting to explain to my friend that whilst I need no convincing of anthropogenic climate change, those very views are important to me because of the relationship between the scientific method and scientific consensus. It is because the scientific method makes scientific consensus so potentially frail, that I back the notion of anthropogenic climate change.
So it is with any consensus arrived at within science. The scientific method is the weapon of choice with which consensus is changed. Little wonder then, an anti-vaccination crusader seeks to demean both.
Prior to this another tweet had caught my eye:
This is pure nonsense. Being infected with influenza is “one of the most common side effects” of vaccination against influenza? I think not.
In fact the NCIRS have a handy Fact Sheet on influenza vaccination. Influenza vaccines used in Australia are inactive. Influenza cells in vaccines cannot cause infection. They have lost their mojo.
As Julie Leask pointed out, in what a betting person might argue was the catalyst for Meryl’s merriment, only 1% – 10% of recipients report symptoms of mild infection for “a day or two”. In fact the article entitled Monday’s Medical Myth: the flu vaccine will give you influenza also noted other reasons for claims of inefficacy-by-infection.
Anyone vaccinated might get another virus that feels like influenza.
Some people’s immune system does not respond to the vaccine.
Anyone vaccinated may get another strain of influenza.
(As mentioned) less than 10% have mild flu-like symptoms for up to 48 hours.
Other strains of influenza exist because at the time production began, the vaccine strains targeted were calculated to be in circulation months later. This isn’t always correct. Combined with the other issues influenza vaccine is suboptimal. And suboptimal is manna for application of Meryl’s Equation.
Leask points out that we under-react to the risk of influenza. Costing Australia $115 million annually, it kills 3,000 and hospitalises over 13,500 people over 50 each season.
Nonetheless a visit to Facebook was a definite must.
Writing in Science-Based Medicine about problems associated with suboptimal flu vaccination Mark Crislip touches on “vaccine goofs” prone to Meryl’s Equation (<100% = 0%).
So it’s a suboptimal vaccine. And that’s a problem. One, because it will make it more difficult to prove efficacy in clinical studies and two, there is a sub group of anti vaccine goofs who seem to require that vaccines either be perfect, with 100% efficacy and 100% safe, or they are not worth taking.
At least two factors play an important role in determining the likelihood that influenza vaccine will protect a person from influenza illness: 1) characteristics of the person being vaccinated (such as their age and health), and 2) the similarity or “match” between the influenza viruses in the vaccine and those spreading in the community. During years when the viruses in the vaccine and circulating viruses are not well matched, it’s possible that no benefit from vaccination may be observed. During years when the viruses in the vaccine and circulating viruses are very well matched, it’s possible to measure substantial benefits from vaccination in terms of preventing influenza illness.
[In older people] influenza vaccine is about 30– 40% effective in preventing symptoms of the flu, 50–60% effective against hospitalisation due to influenza, and 70– 80% effective against death from complications of influenza. Influenza vaccination also appears to reduce the risk of heart attacks and strokes. When there is a good match between the influenza strains in the vaccine and those causing current disease, the vaccine can prevent illness in about 70–90% of healthy children and adults. The vaccine is less effective in those with an impaired immune system
Certainly then there is no evidence that the influenza vaccine doesn’t work or as claimed, “causes the flu”.
I don’t quite know what sparked this most recent attack on “skeptics” and science in general but I would hope to see better from a so-called “health educator” able to raise funds as a charity.
For now the scientific consensus is sound and overwhelmingly in favour of mass vaccination.
When I was a kid, my mum had a sure way of finding out what we meant when describing something as “funny”.
“Funny Ha Ha or funny strange?”, she’d ask, and when suitably availed of an answer could turn her attention to following whatever enormously important point kids tend to make. Looking around today however, “funny strange” is thoroughly outdone by the eerie normality with which faith and belief in demonstrable and dangerous fallacies pass us by.
Using “funny” as our proxy description of weirdness, one may consider the present day feverishness with which cognitive bias is clung to, literally hilarious. In what passes for our first generation and more to have lived in the Space Age, there is an abundance of not just unscientific, but viciously anti-scientific beliefs to choose from. So ubiquitous, so easily tolerated, so poorly regulated is this tsunami of irrationality that one cannot miss that we live now in a new age of hilarious ritual and superstition.
In this Age of Hilarious there are some undeniable and durable trends. From hip healers, to AIDS denial, to scheming chiropractors, to cancer cures, to creationist museums to vaccine denial merchants and even the screaming lunacy of the freedom and conspiracy lovers, one enemy glues them together. Science. Without rattling off the volumes of anti-science movements – many of whom claim to be immersed in science – the same thought justification applies. Science is bad, evil, unnatural, open to unwholesome thinking, an unwelcome intruder upon the family, upon motherhood and upon health.
It’s agents are intent on hiding the truth and in exploiting our species. It has destroyed the planet and wants to destroy us. It has permeated so much of our lives that to those worshipping in the Age of Hilarious it’s axiomatic as to how malignant Science is. To use Science – or something tainted with it’s touch – in thinking or in decision making draws mockery and derision is many circles. It is at once corrupt and the vehicle for the corrupt to continue their corruption. Nonsense has become normal to the point where presenting facts earns inane insults. From Pharma shill in citing undeniable facts on vaccination to Zionist or Jew Boy for querying the logic of 9/11 as an inside job.
Yet despite the pointy ends of these beliefs, the hub from which it all comes probably tells us much about human nature. Those who embark on evidence denial often challenge critics or defend their illogical meandering with the unwarranted observation that Science doesn’t know everything… it can be wrong… the universe is infinite… there’s more to discover… I say “unwarranted” criticism, because no-one knows this better than those who understand science. Nothing else adheres to these observations as strict rules but the Scientific method itself.
I tend to hear this challenge more as a plea. Those who deny evidence with little thought hold to an ideology wherein they want to live in a mysterious universe. Alienated by the ordinary and mundane everyday explanations and foregone conclusions in the Age of Hilarious, they have essentially no notion that so much of what we take for granted now, was once never so. Perhaps a total mystery, a brutal fact of nature, an expensive time wasting ritual of ignorance or a serendipitous discovery.
Today there are so many millions living with so much explanation that the human needs for mystery, discovery or the urge to conquer intellectual fulfillment must certainly go unrealised. Is it so unusual then that an instinctive response may be to create the “unknown” or perhaps do this by denying what is known? To use the term conveniently, if we accept that humans have spiritual needs, nothing defines the denial of evidence and advancement of belief via ignorance better than the Creationist/Intelligent Design movement.
Finally the dots linking Science to Satan were joined. The Discovery Institute’s “anti-evolution” Wedge Strategy for “renewal of science and culture” begins with the breath taking lie:
The proposition that human beings are created in the image of God is one of the bedrock principles on which Western civilization was built. Its influence can be detected in most, if not all, of the West’s greatest achievements, including representative democracy, human rights, free enterprise, and progress in the arts and sciences.
Apart from it’s beaming intellectual revulsion, what strikes me most about the Wedge Strategy is it’s timing. Ideas from The Enlightenment (1650-1790) helped shape the most famous democratic documents in history. The intellectual forces it released have sustained reason and humanity above many attempts to counter Enlightenment philosophies. Although intellectual resistance began as early as 1800 the Industrial Revolution had already seen science secure it’s place as indispensable. After the two World Wars of the 20th century, then the Cold War, and the control of polio, science and democratic rights eventually opened the way for the quality of life that provided the luxury to be… well, stupid.
The timing was perfect to have Creationism – later renamed Intelligent Design – introduced as a new scientific area. Or rather, as ancient myths brought to life under the authoritative and credulous banner of Science. Thanks to godless communism and Billy Graham, Pentecostal, Baptist and Evangelical movements were well established. Biblical literalism was (and is) quite absurd but it did not want for believers. At the same time, the space race and the Apollo 11 moon landing succeeded in opening our eyes to new scientific wonders and understanding.
Punctuating this clash, and now forever in history, is the Apollo 8 Christmas Eve broadcast of 1968. The first astronauts to orbit the moon took turns to read from the book of Genesis, sending lunar images back to Earth.
By the time the sexual revolution and self discovery of the 1960′s and 70′s had passed, traditional religion offered cold, boring irrelevance. Confidence in mystery, cosmic wonder and supernatural interference had been blasted with knowledge, understanding and explanation. Faith was no longer a noble virtue. It was the absence of evidence and reason. Rather than a scattering of giant intellects condemning the folly of belief, it was an established widespread fact. Even worse the damage and perversion linked to religions was becomming manifest.
Science continued to do amazing things, spitting out new disciplines and knowledge as computer power took it’s place. Medical science wiped out smallpox in developing nations and extended the human lifespan in developed nations. Alien abductees and spoon benders were being challenged by these chaps known as Skeptics, but it was soon clear a new irrationality had taken root. Suddenly Noah’s Ark was discovered. Then again and again. The Age of Hilarious was upon us.
The ever increasing “natural” alternatives to medicine demanded more respect. Unable to provide evidence to back claims, denial of evidence and attacks on science began. Faith and high risk belief once again offered noble qualities. The alienated could belong. The challenge of ones character that led to such horrors during the middle ages: “How strong is your faith?”, underscored the rising anti-vaccination movement and it’s many “healing” cousins that in truth, do nothing but delay healing.
On another level the lessons learned from Intelligent Design proponents were being employed deftly by both climate change denialists and those with a vested interest in discrediting climate science. Except in this broadband age the change around from acceptance to denial occurred at breath taking speed. They too have their own “science” – a Global Warming Curriculumdesigned to undermine genuine science. Rather than the Discovery Institute befouling evolution and biology it’s the Heartland Institute generously funding a violent attack on climate science.
These factors aside the sheer numbers of people that now reject climate change, their high priests and the well established conspiracy language used is compelling stuff. Certainly it resonates well with anti-Enlightenment identities like Miranda Devine, products of The Age of Hilarious, who proceed to damage the field of discourse irreparably. So rigid are her anti-climate devotees a great number sprang to her defence when she blamed the London riots on equal rights and same sex union. The woman writes predetermined right wing vengeance, yet “great piece”, “wonderful article”, “blah blah”, flow across Twitter regardless of topic, as she insults critics with her baton of misplaced importance.
There are the Creationists who speak of climate science in the same tone I speak of war crimes. To confuse the mix other enemies of reason accept climate science not because they have the skill to choose a valid source, but because they are beholden to their misconception of “natural”. Yet far from potential allies in managing the fallout from climate change they contribute to delayed action on their own field of play. Destruction of GM crops. Misguided animal rights. Spreading misinformation about vaccination as a means to population control. It’s not smaller healthier and wealthier families they see emerging to bring developing nations out of poverty. It’s “human culling” via vaccine.
A common factor in all beliefs held by enemies of reason in the Age of Hilarious is the misconception of “research” and “conclusion”. We hear this with so many pseudo-scientific endeavours and particularly with climate denial and vaccine denial. People claim to have spent time researching vaccines, for example, only to follow on with the “conclusion” it’s best not to vaccinate their children. Yet whatever they have read has all the accuracy of that which leads others to deny evolution announcing, “If we evolved from monkeys why are there still monkeys around today?”. Or to quote Kent Hovind, he hasn’t seen “a squirrel give birth to a pine cone… a dog give birth to a non dog”.
Vaccine denial relies on the towering ignorance of the over-confident or the thunderous immorality of the callous and cunning. One can accept that it is surely impossible to properly study immunology and that they must trust the scientific consensus. Or alternatively one can crave the nobility of faith, the piety of belief and insist on not being “a sheep”. In truth no amount of reading without evaluation and practice justifies the often heard claims of superior intelligence.
The Dunning-Kruger effect occurs when incompetent people not only fail to realise their incompetence, but consider themselves much more competent than everyone else. Basically – they’re too stupid to know that they’re stupid
Complicating this further is the in-group thinking that accompanies the anti-science crowds. Consider the Chiropractic Association of Australia. The Australian Homeopathic Association. The Australian Vaccination Network and other organised conspiracy movements. All these groups and many more exhibit a lack of any skill to discern the value of information. Ideology and belief is what drives them. Today, claimed intelligence and the accumulation of knowledge do not make for good decision making.
The sheer volume of information means we are better served by developing the skill to choose what sources to trust. Though I imagine for some they are at an extreme disadvantage. The constant urge for intellectual risk in the supposed realm of the unknown, once served by genuine mysteries, is a cognitive detriment. Hearing someone like Meryl Dorey talk, sets off warning bells like reading a scam Nigerian email offering me untold wealth in the worst grammar possible. Yet for others she is the cult figure that completes the circle of irrational belief.
It seems we develop intellectual tools in the absence of any skill to use them. No doubt that goes for all of us and highlights the importance of critical thinking. Vaccine denial appears in many cases to be justified by stories of cognitive dissonance that are resolved to an eventual cognitive bias which is then fed to the point of a splendid Dunning-Kruger effect. Intellectually the inability to use certain tools most often results in failed comprehension. But combined with the inability to gauge risk the anti-vaccine movement is overseeing a resurgence of disease. Consider this comment approved by Meryl Dorey on The Australian Vaccination Network Facebook page.
Inability to understand risk-benefit is a feature of The Age of Hilarious
The developing world is for those of us in the Age of Hilarious much like where a time machine would take us if we went backward and forward to gather information of vaccine preventable disease (VPD). Today, one child dies every 20 seconds from a VPD. Pneumonia and diarrhea are the biggest killers in developing nations whilst these are prevented by Pneumococcal and Rotavirus vaccines. As the AVN’s Judy Wilyman rails against the HPV vaccine, dismissively citing developed nation levels of cervical cancer the reality is 270,000 women die of HPV related causes annually – 85% in developing nations.
The smallpox vaccine saves $1.3 billion annually – 10 times the cost of the original program. Typhoid kills 200-600,000 per year and in developing nations congenital rubella syndrome still claims 90,000 lives annually. The cost to a family of a disabled child or adult often combined with the loss of a mother is to us, incomprehensible. Vaccination allows for improved health and growth. Children go on to attend and finish school. They contribute to family life and when eventually employed raise the family income to levels usually not dreamed of.
The more children vaccinated the more that live and the more that live the less that must be “produced” by parents to compete with the present law of attrition. In countries with high VPD one doesn’t expect to see children grow. Rather one hopes against the odds enough will grow to sustain a bearable quality of life for the family. With vaccination quality of life improves dramatically. Families, villages, districts and even nations can be pulled from poverty.
The GAVI Alliance – previously Global Alliance for Vaccines and Immunisation – fund 97% of pneumococcal vaccination in developing nations. In the last decade they have pushed hepatitis B vaccination in China above that in Australia and placed a virtual halt on liver cancer.
Yet comfortable in their scientifically endowed lives, fully vaccinated as children and content with two kids, vaccine denialists in developed nations insist the reduction in family numbers and misery is planned genocide. They ridicule charities and sabotage attempts to raise money for, or educate about, the success of vaccination in less fortunate nations, as yet free from the Age of Hilarious. Which raises the question: what are they free from?
A typical example is that recently Mia Freedman wrote an article about the self appointed experts of the anti-vaccine movement. Mia shreds the AVN ticking all the boxes about their false “choice”, the farcical name, the pretend expertise… in fact the truth. One quote I like which applies because the benefits of vaccines are irrefutable is, “In fact there aren’t two sides and there is no debate. On one hand there is science and there is no other hand.”
Dorey went berserk, summoned her flying monkeys and actually had them writing to Mia “from the other side”. The attacks were typical. “What a bl**dy parasitic moron journalist!” commented one. Her article was likened to eugenics, she was a moron, and idiot. She was an ignorant douchebag, rude, self-righteous, uneducated and hateful…. One can only imagine the emails out of the public eye.
Mia tweeted:
To which Dorey shot back “What threats? How about listening to parents of vaccine damaged kids to learn about the other side if (sic) vaccination? YES-2 sides!”. Which is terribly ironic as many have asked to see these crowds of vaccine damaged children that Dorey so liberally exploits. At the same time anyone presenting evidence was banned and their posts deleted – as usual. One member managed to remain leaving:
Mia writes engaging articles with compassion, empathy and humour. Many, many commenters on MM disagree with her position on many issues but as long as they’re not abusive, the comments stay. That’s why she has such a vast audience. You should try it, Meryl. You might find your audience grows instead of shrinking away and hiding on closed websites and Facebook pages.
And (to the author of the above Facebook comment – but not in response to that comment):
… why are you being so mean? You do realise that lots of people – genuinely curious people – will come to this page after reading Mia’s column? If I were you I’d be using the traffic to make a reasoned argument in a friendly forum. Mocking and insulting a well loved and popular writer (even if you disagree with her) is not doing your cause any good.
All in all it continued on for some time. I was riveted at how far the antivaccination movement – or is it just Dorey’s mob – had fallen. I could not find any arguments or attempts at discourse beyond vicious, wailing ad hominem abuse. Dorey wrote her usual scathing personal reply seeming to latch onto two sentences that distort Mia’s intent:
I’m certainly not suggesting we become a flock of sheep or suspend critical thought. But I don’t need to ‘do my research’ before I vaccinate.
Dorey used this to accuse her of being a sheep proffering, “Well duh! If you don’t do your research first Mia, may I suggest you open wide and say baaaaaaaaaa!”
But the full paragraph is clearer:
I’m certainly not suggesting we become a flock of sheep or suspend critical thought. But I don’t need to ‘do my research’ before I vaccinate. Or before I accept that the earth is round and that gravity exists. Scientists far smarter than me have already done that research and the verdict is unanimous, thanks.
Therein lies the impact of Mia’s article. Cries of “I’ve done my research” just don’t cut it with something as irrefutable as vaccination. From a safety viewpoint, it is open to abuse and argument less than regulation of the aviation industry. I would also argue, one needs the skill to discern a reputable source rather than embarking on piecemeal “research”. And in this Age of Hilarious it’s plain that Meryl Dorey is a source of dangerous nonsense.
To top it off Dorey made her seventh appearance on Friday at Conspiracy Central Airwaves aka Fairdinkum Radio. I’ve snipped 3 minutes of grabs below [or MP3 here]. It opens with Leon Pittard criticising science and the “technocracy” we’re moving into. It continues with Big Pharma terror then Dorey attacking Mia Freedman who “is a product of the governments health policy [which is] everyone must vaccinate and we need to fear and hate those who don’t do it”. That’s right dear reader – that’s government policy according to Dorey. Just like racism she contends.
Despite knowing the pertussis vaccine gives dubious immunity and no vaccine is infallible Dorey can’t seem to grasp Mia’s argument that an unvaccinated child is a risk to all Australians, vaccinated or not. Meryl should read this post from a mother whose vaccinated daughter caught pertussis from an unvaccinated child and three months later, “is prone to chest infections, pneumonia, and more susceptible to viruses and Influenza.”
In the same program Dorey again repeats the myth that no children died of pertussis in the ten years to 2009. Reasonable Hank deals with it splendidly. Why she keeps insulting her hosts and listeners like this I don’t really know, only to politely assume it’s linked to the pitfalls of cognitive bias above. Between 1993 – 2008, 16 children under 12 months died from pertussis. Dorey is well aware of this. And so her cult-like cycle of bald faced untruths continues.
French atheist, philosopher and author, Michel Onfray suggests the coming century will be the century of religion. He is probably right, but exactly what form the religions will take and what passes for belief and faith might be hard to recognise by it’s end. Consider Scientology for a salient example.
Whatever the case it seems that for a number of reasons from human psychology, to arrogance to simple power and profit the Age of Hilarious will persist for a while yet.
Monika Milka is a perfect example of why alternatives to medicine have no place being legitimised in Australian universities.
On Monday February 13th, Today Tonight Adelaide ran a piece [below] on the gruff chain smoker who runs Monika’s Entity from run down sheds in Wallaroo and what passes for “rooms” in Gawler, South Australia. Despite being entirely unqualified in anything or registered anywhere Monika claims to be a healer of amazing talents.
Monika Milka: “The Universe knows best”
Monika Milka claims to be a homeopath, homeotoxicologist, iridologist, mesotherapist, biomesotherapist, deep tissue masseur and a deft hand with a quartz crystal diamond laser. Her “Tonics” – 150 ml bottles of ethanol and water sell for $150, and prompted the Today Tonight sting. In a hidden camera first, Milka claims her tonics are responsible for Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine physique.
“He needed to get the part for Wolverine… I made his physique”.
Presently as per the Public and Environmental Health Act 1987 Monika is under S.A. Health Department orders to not administer any substances to any person. Nor can she provide substances to another person, unless that substance is a commercial product. Of course this means Monika would have to spend to buy stock and sell at a retail price. But when you can score $150 for a splash of magical water those S.A. health authority orders prohibiting provision of anything must be a pain in the wallet.
On February 2nd Monika launched a Facebook scare campaign claiming that Heliobacter Pylori was vulnerable to her tonic which could eliminate infection. Diagnosis seems random, and antibiotics aren’t mentioned.
Even people with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome “in their veins” were led on by her. “Can I order it online?”, asks one target with CFS. Milka replies…
The scam continues. Only Monika’s “tonic” can save humanity from this “Bastard”.
Sounds… fair. But wait – there’s more Tonic Totality!
Tooth and gum pain? No problem:
How about your pets? Monika has a message for the bird brains out there. Homeopathy makes pets feel good – and smell nice.
Water you can add to… more water. Perhaps add it to cream. Wow, this is magic water indeed.
On and on it goes. I’m sure you get the idea. Monika’s $150 bottles of water range out to cure everything.
Let’s review how a not too bright con artist manages to be breaching conditions under the Public and Environmental Health Act 1987 simply by selling water. Well back around 2005 Monika hit on a money making boon. She decided she would claim to cure cancer by “killing the worms” that Monika invented as responsible for any manner of horrors. She’d do this by mesotherapy – injecting saline solution and “other substances” into very sick people for $500 per week.
Not long after this in June 2008, S.A. Health issued a Mesotherapy Alert. It included reports on six people who had attended Monika’s Entity suffering “multiple symmetrical skin abscesses on their calves, buttocks, thighs, abdomen, shoulders, face and neck”. Today it appears up to 14 people were seriously effected by this madness.
One had developed a notoriously difficult to treat mycobacterial abscess. Translation? Monika was almost certainly injecting her customers with tap water, the most common source of mycobacterium. Either that or sewerage contaminants.
Monika writes on Facebook and elsewhere using bizarre grammar and spelling. We get a strange contrived pixie sing-song lilt about the universe, karma, the law of attraction and nasty things eventually happening to anyone who challenges her. Monika apparently has some explaining to do.
Remember, Milka is by law not allowed to provide anything to anyone. I hate to be so blunt but she is a dirty, dangerous, deceptive and cruel scam artist. Although Monika has no qualifications, registration nor accreditation with any health or “alternative” health body in Australia she wants the unfortunate victims who pass by to believe so. On January 27th when stories on the urging of removal of quackery courses from universities were in the press, Monika drops a telling comment.
Being unregistered Milka may have accessed hypodermics from Needle and Syringe Programmes (NSPs) provided under harm reduction services for users of illicit drugs. This becomes more compelling when we note Milka claims “junkies” who she unwittingly hired were responsible for the unsterilised equipment.
Milka runs a Deli full time and has a smattering of customers whom she treats in filthy conditions in sheds. Thus, this story blaming missing “junkies” is unsatisfactory. Even if we entertain it (in fact even if we don’t), health authorities must face the reality that syringes used on patients may have been second hand. Milka owes it to her “patients” to ensure they seek testing for Hepatitis C and HIV. How were the sharps disposed of? What reason did Milka give to NSP staff for accessing equipment?
Of course to Milka, this is all nonsense. Despite an ongoing civil case seeking damages she claims it was all “dealt with years ago”. She is the victim in all this we’re told. The Universe trusts and loves her and in the dance of the Cosmos, that is all that matters.
As the wife of one of Monika’s victims told the Inquiry [page 42]:
In 2005, my husband, Ross, was diagnosed with cancer of the bile ducts. After surgery and various courses of chemotherapy and radiotherapy treatments failed to halt the diseases, my husband sought the help of Monica Milka who did ‘alternative therapies’. Monika assured my husband that she could cure him and commenced treating him with all types of sprays, medicines and injections. The many injections she gave to his stomach were to ‘kill the worms’ that were causing the problem but in fact left him very sore. She also took photos of his eyes and then showed him those supposed images on a computer screen, pointing out the ‘areas of improvement’ and telling him how well he was doing. Ross paid Monica over $500 per week. Initially he paid by visa card so received a receipt for this payment but later on he began to pay cash and no longer received any receipts.
Milka’s insouciance to her earthly responsibilities could not have been clearer:
The Committee received written correspondence from Clark Radin (lawyers) representing Ms Monika Milka. In their letter, Clark Radin requested that copies of all oral and written submissions received by the Committee against Ms Milka be provided to them… The option to view the material was not taken up by either Ms Milka or Clark Radin.
There’s little doubt Monika Milka and Monika’s Entity is a danger to the community. She is completely without remorse and appears oblivious to the notion of responsibility. She makes a living from thieving – scheming and scamming innocent and vulnerable Aussies, all of whom will be left worse than before encountering her. The only constant is the never ending barely comprehensible rambling about cosmic vibes and universal energy that can kindly be referred to as the rantings of an insane witch.
Not only is Monika Wolverine Milka a walking talking example of what pseudosciences must ensure they can control, she presently acts as a voice for their place in university. Apologists like Kerryn Phelps need far more than a few placebo studies to make this disease go away.
Somehow I doubt Milka is as loving and cosmic as she pretends. I hope the full force of the law hits her hard and hits her soon.
We deserve to see the evidence that vaccinating for all these diseases is good and necessary for the community
Judy Wilyman, June 30th 2010
Read the above statement from prominent antivaccination lobbyist and student Judy Wilyman. It’s a reasonable observation. Defending it would be admirable. Fortunately I don’t have to because the evidence, not only for the success of mass vaccination, but of how this prevents death and disability from disease is readily available.
In fact the success of vaccination is so ubiquitous that vaccines themselves have become a victim of it. Judy Wilyman doesn’t understand she is one of the most fortunate human beings in history. Well into the future even after she dies, billions will dream of the quality of life Judy Wilyman enjoys. Born into the affluence of a developed nation she has lived an entire life protected by medical science, robust economies and public health success stories.
Judy Wilyman is one of the luckiest individuals in one of the luckiest generations in one of the luckiest nations as a mere single offspring of around 107 billion human beings to have lived and died on this planet. She is inestimably healthier, more comfortable, more free and importantly more disease free than around 99% of our species to have seen the sky. With her life protected by her own and others vaccine induced immunity, and now already almost twice the age that genetic predisposition alone permits on this planet, Judy will live on for years enriching her life and exploring any manner of experience.
Every day vaccine success is all around her. It’s invisible. It is the absence of suddenly missing school friends, the grief that parents would bear, the devastation that ravaged cities in the late 17th and 18th centuries. It is the message of those little mossy tombstones I passed that, on rare visits to older family graves, my father would stop and read with reverence long before I knew how to read at all.
It’s removed the throat choking sadness that incredibly meant both my maternal grandparents were long dead and even more years passed before their grandchildren discovered they had an uncle on that side of the family. The only male and last born, he had died within weeks of his birth taking with him my grandfather’s dream of passing on a farm.
Vaccine success is the absence of tears often shed. Tears Often Shed child health and welfare in Australia from 1788, published in 1978 was written by Dr. Brian Gandevia. I’ve heard Wilyman reach into the past to condemn vaccines by misrepresenting the scientific context of the times and wonder if she passed this by on purpose. In 1800 Botany Bay held about 1,000 children, half being orphans. Infant mortality was 11% – over 20 times what it is today. In 1827 pertussis appeared, then measles then diphtheria. Mortality was high.
By 1880 Sydney, Melbourne, Adelaide and Brisbane had children’s hospitals. That year a measles outbreak hit Sydney and led Henry Lawson to write:
Our first child took—a cruel week in dyin’, …
I’ve pulled three through and buried two
Since then—and I’m past carin’.
Judy Wilyman weaves myth and junk science to justify make-believe notions that we are not allowed to see the evidence of vaccine success. All the time unaware that she is this evidence. In more ways than one also. Not only is Judy here due to vaccination regimes and medical science, but the vacuum left by the need to simply survive is being filled by the fantastic fraud and fiction that Wilyman produces to malign vaccination itself.
So absolute has vaccine success been that we can now turn our attention to the rarity of the potential of an adverse event. Unlike Lawson, we’re not “past carin’”. In an era of health luxury we can choose what to care about, and with disconcerting ease antivaccinationists, divested of evidence, play human emotion.
Abuse of innocent Australians:
Her W.A. State Library talk was a hack job of the worst vaccine myths on offer. Yet supposedly worth retelling because Wilyman is studying to complete a PhD in an Arts faculty and labels herself “an independent researcher who has been scouring the peer reviewed journals for 10 years”.
At the same talk Wilyman allows a glimpse into ego clashing with conspiracy beliefs:
If vaccination was based on science then the media would not have to work so hard to suppress the information. You will notice the media reports rely on discrediting individuals and organisations and running fear campaigns to encourage parents to vaccinate. Did they mention in the papers that myself and [redacted] are both PhD researchers? Did they mention that the lowest vaccination rates in Perth are… where the majority of doctors and other professionals live? No. This topic is about the control of information.
That final appeal to authority is meaningless. It is a myth that “doctors don’t vaccinate”. Economic advantage has not only been firmly linked to the Dunning-Kruger effect but we’ve known since last century that the same demographic refuse to register their children on the Australian immunisation register, or complete appropriate forms. Linear skill sets (job training) and consequent income rises correlate to big mortgages, not critical thinking.
Moving beyond this slur on class status, Judy works quite hard to evoke a feeling of manipulation and abuse of personal rights in her audience. She produces a slide of the Australian Framework for Environmental Health Risk Assessment.
At the top is “community consultation”. Has anyone here been consulted on a preventative measure such as vaccination for the health of your child? The public is being excluded from this process because we’re told it’s a medical procedure. So I’m asking you tonight why are you vaccinating? Are you vaccinating because you have a good idea of the risk of disease and the risk of vaccines or are you vaccinating through blind faith?
I hate to interrupt but this is a gross deception played on her audience. What a set up! Nothing on the impact of vaccine preventable disease (VPD). Nothing on risk benefit. This comes well after claiming herself and Meryl Dorey are presenting “peer reviewed science” that proves there’s no evidence to support vaccination. They will tell the real story, not the contrived story the government and media tell. “The government treats vaccines as if they have no harmful effects at all”, Judy claims.
Convinced that the government “coerces” Australians into vaccination Judy argues vaccination is a human rights issue, that (with incentives) she described recently as “a crime against humanity”. In order to understand Wilyman’s primary deception it’s crucial to note her invention is that we live in an Orwellian type society that forces coercive and mandatory vaccination. Nothing could be further from the truth. We are free to be as stupid as we wish and place our children in as much danger from vaccine preventable disease as this madness allows. Even better, we can spread exposure to countless others who had no choice in the matter and belittle those who protect our children with herd immunity as “vaccinating through blind faith”.
Quoting “the health ethics that our immunisation principles are based upon” Wilyman then misleads her audience [bold mine]:
“The state retains the authority to regulate the human body in order to protect the health and safety of the general public”.
So it is the government that’s deciding how many vaccines we can put into our bodies
Even though this is complete codswallop, it prompts Judy to come up with two questions that set “the context and the ethics of these fundamental principles”.
Did vaccines play a significant role in controlling and reducing infectious diseases?
What is in a vaccine?
Let’s focus for now on question 1.
Abuse of Australian History:
Judy is a champion of the misconception that a reduction in overall death rates is proof that improved living standards, and not vaccines, controlled and reduced infectious diseases. Her abuse of the work of early public health authorities is demonstrably hypocritical. Let’s examine her abuse of J.H.L. Cumpston and H.O. Lancester. To Wilyman they “confirm” vaccines did not reduce infectious disease. Cumpston (1880-1954) was Australia’s first Commonwealth Director-General of Health. Known as “the father of public health in Australia” he features prominently in Child Health Since Federation written for the Australian Year Book 2001 by a present day population health scientist.
That scientist would be Professor Fiona Stanley. Founding Director of the Telethon Institute for Child Health Research she has been receiving awards now for 17 years, and refers to both Cumpston and Lancester in this work. Former Australian of the year professor Stanley is mocked and abused mercilessly by Meryl Dorey of the Australian Vaccination Network for “aggressive commercialisation activities of the Telethon Institute“, being paid off by Big Pharma, hiding the truth and experimenting on children.
She was “invited” by Judy Wilyman to attend the very seminar I’m referring to now. Two days later interviewed on air, Stanley referred to the views presented by Dorey and Wilyman as “bizarre” and ”so misinformed that it is scary”.
Professor Fiona Stanley speaks about the “so-called” Australian Vaccination Network in Perth
It’s offensive that Wilyman demeans sound legislation and state authority to control disease, just before invoking Cumpston’s name. As Stanley writes in Child Health Since Federation [bold mine]:
He [Cumpston] oversaw the most spectacular falls in mortality and morbidity ever seen in Australia. [...]
Essential to this movement was an expert bureaucracy to research, create and administer policy… Other essential ingredients for the success of the public health movement was a competent and independent (from State) group of medical practitioners, devoted to the care of the sick, but willing to accept State interventions for both public health improvements and care (the latter of course on their terms). [...]
Throughout the early 20th century, as bacteriology developed, knowledge grew of the role of organisms in disease, and the focus of public health shifted to identifying disease in individuals and control by isolation (quarantine), which opened the way to mass vaccination.
With improvements in sanitation and quality of life came healthier people. Recovery from disease increased and thus mortality fell. But no widespread immunity or viral elimination occurred. Better nutrition certainly increased host resistance to infection. J.H.L. Cumpston died in 1954 just as vaccine success took off.
Infectious deaths fell before widespread vaccination was implemented. However, since the 1950s, mass vaccination has been the single most effective public health measure to reduce the occurrence of infections, to reduce child deaths and to improve child health
There is of course no doubt that access to good nutrition, clean water, public awareness of cleanliness leading to reduced contact with infecting organisms (good hygiene) and a cleaner environment led to improved health. Yet there is no evidence of vaccination as anything but the greatest single contributor to public health. Lancaster as cited by Wilyman (page 6) actually refers to “gastroenteritis, respiratory and other infections”. This in no way supports her claim that vaccines played no role in reduction of disease.
Wilyman is deceptive in other ways also. When writing on pertussis (linked above – page 6 again) her choice of target is 1954 when the NHMRC advised that pertussis vaccine become routine for new born babies. But fatality had fallen to only 15 deaths per year bemoans Judy.
She avoids informing readers that in the 10 years to 1955, 429 deaths occurred (p.2). In the previous decade – that in which the vaccine was introduced (1936-1945) – 1,693 deaths from pertussis were recorded. In the decade before with no vaccine? 2,808 deaths. So, since the vaccine was actually introduced fatalities had been declining dramatically. Period.
Abuse of Alfred Russel Wallace:
Wilyman refers to Alfred Russel Wallace as “the co-designer of the evolutionary theory with Charles Darwin” and mentions his work, Vaccination a Delusion. If anything exposes Wilyman’s lack of scientific rigor it is the abuse of history and the Victorian antivaccination movement. Wallace himself and his three children were vaccinated. His interest in the movement began once his natural science writings had finished. Whilst a source of income, Wallace was also driven by his spiritualism, social reformist views and Swedenborgianism.
Unlike today’s antivaxxers, the Victorian movements based their position on notions and quantitative approaches that were entirely rational for the day. Science itself was unsettled. One approach was prone to blend with spiritualism (experimental psychology, evolutionary biology, and astronomy), liberty and holistic notions. Another took the view that science should be objective, disinterested, factual and that politics should remain separate.
More so, repeated prosecution from 1867 for not being vaccinated against smallpox or having ones children vaccinated was ruthlessly followed through with. Methods like arm to arm vaccination were high risk and equipment (pins, forks, knives and needles) spoke for themselves. But despite his spiritual leanings Wallace was a scientist. An empiricist. He deplored shoddy record keeping and bad statistics – especially assumptions.
So he set to work challenging the gaping holes in epidemiological data. The vaccine status of between 30-70% of people who died from smallpox was unknown. Not because vaccination failed but records were unreliable or absent. Wallace himself probably had good reason to doubt the disease status of fatalities as recorded by doctors. Thomas Weber looked into Wallace’s role here and concluded in part.
The numerical arguments used by Wallace and his opponents were based on an actuarial type of statistics, i.e., the analysis of life tables and mortalities. Inferential statistics that could be more helpful in identifying potential causes did not yet exist. The statistical approach to the vaccination debate used by Wallace and his opponents could simply not resolve the issue of vaccine efficiency; thus, each side was free to choose the interpretation that suited its needs best. However, despite its indecisive outcome, the debate was a major step in defining what kind of evidence was needed. It is also unjustified to portray the debate as a controversy of science versus antiscience because the boundaries between orthodox and heterodox science we are certain of today were far less apparent in the Victorian era. What the scope and methods of science were or should be were topics still to be settled.
So Wallace had many reasons to challenge vaccination in his time, none of them related to the evidence we have today. Indirectly he helped bring about the success of vaccination as we see it presently. Ever the empiricist there is no doubt how he would form his views with contemporary evidence. Wilyman’s appeal to authority this way is quite silly.
Ultimately Judy Wilyman reinforces the success of vaccination. She has no evidence based argument and shockingly has recycled these old myths for years, masquerading as “an independent researcher”. Without fiction she would have little to say. Despite the cloak and dagger tales of “crimes against humanity” and “government coercion” she is simply free. Free to speak, free to be wrong. Completely democratically free.
Judy Wilyman represents the best in Aussie freedom. The freedom to be stupid.
As the clock ticked toward midnight a couple of nights back I received a knock on the door from a very strange character indeed.
Standing on the door step was a heavily robed individual whose face was completely shadowed by a large hood. A cloud of foggy mist seemed to hang about his personage (I assumed it was male), along with a strong moldy smell and for a moment I was lost for words. All that was lacking to fit the role of Death, was the scythe. He thrust forward a rolled parchment tied in strands of old rope and sealed with a bright red wax seal.
I peered at the seal which seemed to read Castle Cockamaymee, then back at the visitor. He nodded at the parchment and extended an arm with a huge sleeve from which poked a cadaverous finger. He wiggled it as if to say get on with it so I broke the seal and the rope strands fell away. I unrolled it and with growing delight read the text:
Dear Paul,
You are invited to Vaccine Myths New Year Celebrations at our stronghold in Middle Earth.
Your guide Byron, has entered through one of our temporary trans-dimensional space time portals to hand you this invitation. Please feel welcome to follow him back through said portal, at which point you will arrive at your destination.
Venue: Realm of Mythology’s Castle Cockamaymee, Middle Earth.
Time: Meaningless.
Byron? Anyway…
It was signed by all nine vaccine ringwraiths, led of course by Sir Vaccines Cause Autism and Vaccines Contain Mercury. Slayed by Dr. Rachie with Science at the momentous Battle of Castle Mamamia they had since regenerated many times. Then there was a host of other signatures including the deep impression left by the powerful hand of Big Pharma Myth. I was particularly pleased to see Improved Living Standards Wiped Out Disease in a steady hand. Last I’d seen of him was on October 25th just before Meryl Dorey’s Supercalifragilistichomeoprophylaxis Tour of W.A. He was quite unwell and eventually collapsed a shrivelled, dead husk starved of proper retelling and poisoned by attempts to support him with pseudoscience.
Vaccine Myths are, to state the obvious, myths. It is through the telling of these Myths and belief in them that they source their life essence: The Power of the Burning Stupid. Attempts to turn a myth into reality through bogus means and false claims of evidence is disastrous. More than any other Myth, Improved Living Standards has struggled with attempts to nail him down with junk science. Mainly antivaxxers using reduced mortality figures that followed improvement in sanitation to fallaciously claim a drop in disease itself. Bogus, doctored graphs needlessly tacked onto a retelling have taken their toll over and again. More than a few times skeptics have saved him from oblivion.
Of course Vaccine Myths can be regenerated at any time, provided human beings radiate enough Burning Stupid and retell the specific Myth. What we here tend to call lying. I could certainly hazard a guess or two at where Improved Living Standards had sourced the Burning Stupid to regenerate. Usually philosophical about this, Vaccine Myths will fight for their survival against what they call “broken humans”, who are those antivaxxers we deem completely insane. Broken Humans are void of the Burning Stupid tending to radiate pure malignancy along with copious amounts of deadly bogus “evidence”.
For these reasons Vaccine Myths, which technically don’t exist, resemble long-dead, recently exhumed medieval knights, armed to the teeth but with delightfully unique personalities. Having chatted quite a bit with Sir Vaccines Cause Autism, I’ve become rather fond of his calm, capable, non confrontational approach to things. As I followed Byron toward a misty cloud a few meters down the road I reflected on Autism’s impeccable manners and suave disposition.
Knighted for services to the Realm of Mythology in sustaining the Power of The Burning Stupid, he was quite embarrassed about all the fuss, preferring to keep on with his huge workload. Fiercely dismissive of false myths and an outspoken critic of Meryl Dorey he’d been kind enough to outline to complexity that goes into choosing a new Vaccine Myth or a simple Lie. Byron reached the mist, turned and beckoned with his finger in the universal language “Follow”, then promptly disappeared. I stepped into the mist expecting a sort of Star Gate experience.
Yet within a step I was standing in sunshine a few feet from an enormous wooden gate reinforced with steel bands and studs that rose hundreds of feet above me. I thought FaceTime was cool, but Space Time had advantages. To my right and left huge hewn stone walls, much higher the the gate followed the terrain for thousands of meters. It was topped with battlements, some of which protruded outwards in arcs for 30 meters or so, dotted with huge merlons, watchtowers, archery and observation decks. Massive iron framework could be seen attached at strategic intervals the purpose of which was lost on me, beyond exploiting gravity for some hellish bone crushing, brain splattering, boiling oil spilling purpose.
Thousands of arrow loops and rectangular ports dotted the wall. Deceptively small, I knew from ancient castles and defensive walls in our dimension that each opened into a huge funicular recess running through the wall giving archers ample room to move and depending on height hundreds of square meters of target range. All this for protection against the many Enemies of Reason, Sir Vaccines Cause Autism had once explained to me. Dark forces here were devoted to turning Myths into perceived reality with junk science thus ushering in the Age Of Darkness.
Their minions – slaves and soldiers – looked for want of a better description, like Orcs. I looked around and was amazed to see hundreds of corpses in various states of decay and dismemberment. It was close to freezing and patches of snow and ice lay across the ground. They could have been here for days or months. These Orc-like creatures were similar but could be discerned by uniforms under their armour. Antivaxxers dressed like Andrew Wakefield and were endowed with large silicon breasts like Jenny McCarthy and tangled, unwashed hair like Meryl Dorey. They had accents like Viera Scheibner. Many had monkey heads and wings. A rotting sign lay near a flying monkey corpse. It read “Open ze gate or zoon you vill be drownink in de mercuree”.
Chiropractors and reflexologists wore white coats and used large shields with anatomical signs and impossibly dumb claims on them. Creationists carried bananas, rode giant crockoducks and had hair like Baptist ministers. TCM practitioners had Rhino horns protruding from their heads and carried bags of useless herbs. Acupuncturists had needles protruding from their hideous faces which they probably plucked out and shot with tiny little cross bows that they carried. I lost count of how many corpses were dressed like the Pope and covered in Holy Bling. The Aura readers wore psychedelic robes. Crystal healers shot crystals with sling shots. New Age diagnosticians were clad in flashing LED’s and meaningless printouts. Theta healers reputedly frowned at the walls and yelled “Quantum” periodically.
The homeopath soldiers were the most pathetic though. They supposedly spread themselves so thinly it was impossible to detect any. Rather than attacking the defences they believed they could win by attacking themselves in small doses. The smaller the more deadly. Some would cut off a finger or gouge out an eye. Highly trained veterans might sprain an ankle. Their Elite Forces attacked in groups of one brandishing a shaving cut. They believed just a memory of them attacking was sufficient to get results.
Looking at these corpses and carnage, the more I thought about it the more I realised it was a perfect analogy to our own struggle between science and woo. Uncaring beneficiaries misled wave after wave of misguided but loyal minions who then suffered the real consequences. Eventually Byron flicked his finger at the gate as if to say get on with it (again) then wandered off down along the wall, nimbly hurdling the disproportionate armour covered breasts of a prostrate antivaxxer corpse. Just then a small door opened in the gate and I wandered inside.
It was an incredible spectacle. An entire medieval city faded into the distance in a display of colour, architecture, sound and smell. An elderly cadaverous looking gentleman standing nearby introduced himself as Butter is good for burns, and said he’d guide me to the Ballroom, situated in the original Castle Cockamaymee. As we walked along winding pathways he pointed out the various Halls of The Realm of Mythology. Each alternative to medicine was separately represented here as an “alternative medicine” Myth.
The Divinity Campus was huge, encompassing countless Myths and staff. Butter is good for burns informed me that a recent addition in the Creationist Myth faculty was an entire building devoted to tackling Intelligent Design. This bogus “evidence” threatened Mythical retelling and thus the various Creation Myths themselves. Apparently however the sheer power of the Burning Stupid given off by those who accepted ID was unprecedented. Divinity scholars were hard at work researching exactly what was best for Myths.
Butter also made a point of telling me that Theta and Quantum Healing were new faculties not heard of “back in my day”. He said that with such finality that I assumed he may not have long left. Eventually we came to a building large enough to be called a castle in it’s own right.
No doubt the original Castle Cockamaymee around which the city of Castle Cockamaymee had grown. Huge walls and a large slope, now covered in grass testified to it’s original defensive purpose. Butter led me up a huge winding staircase that went on and on crossing huge galleries, passing cavernous hallways and massive doors.
Eventually we seemed to reach the top and he used a huge steel knocker to bang on the door, then excused himself heading off downstairs.
A moment later the door swung open and I was greeted by what I assumed was a younger relative of Sir Vaccines Cause Autism. Just as I recognised the familiar weapons and medals of gallantry he announced, “Ah, wonderful wonderful and well met young Paul. Delighted you could come. Do come in dear chap. Things are just getting under way”, he beckoned with a flourish of his robed arm.
I was astonished. Rather than the usual mummified corpse, he looked quite fresh. Almost alive. “Thank you Sir Vaccines…“.
“Just Autism, dear chap. We can dispense with titles also. Now don’t be too surprised at the state of everyone’s regeneration. There’s been quite a bit of Vaccine Myth retelling at your end and loads of the Burning Stupid. What with the reaction to the immunisation incentives, followed by Dorey on radio, upheld complaints, followed by more interviews before that Woodford business and then the Woodford Festival itself, we’re jumping out of our skin. And it just keeps coming. Delightful! Now come and say hello to…”.
Before he could finish a voice yelled out “Paulie, Paulie, Paulie!”, and a tanned fellow dressed in tennis gear came hurdling furniture and dodging party goers toward us. As he came up I could recognise Improved Living Standards, Not Vaccination Wiped Out Disease. I couldn’t believe this was the same dead and shrivelled husk from a few weeks back.
“Thank Stupidity for Judy Wilyman and Meryl Dorey. Look at what Wilyman wrote to Nicola Roxon following the Immunisation Incentive change in late November”, he gushed excitedly. This is point one in her letter – point one!”. He held up his iPhone and I read:
There is no historical evidence that vaccines controlled any of the infectious diseases listed in government immunization policies – in any developed country.
“It even sounds a bit ambiguous but I’m the only Myth that comes close… and we know it’s one of her core beliefs, so Bam I was on my feet in no time. Then it kept getting retold and believed over and over again. Then Dorey said the same thing on Facebook trying to use the mumps outbreak as proof and then next she’s on 3CR before Woodford. Listen to this!”, he offered passing me the ear buds and tapping his iPhone screen. Sure enough, there was Dorey’s voice saying:
A lot of the credit that’s been given to vaccines for the decline in deaths and infectious diseases has nothing to do with vaccines. Because it all happened before the shots were introduced. Engineers did more to improve the health of Australians than doctors ever have.
“And of course, this is all in the governments own data she reckons. It’s awesome. I’m thinking of changing my name to Engineers did more to improve the health of Australians than doctors ever have, but it’s a bit long. Oh! I mixed it up with some rap also, so I can groove around the place. Have a listen”:
“Anyway, tonight I’m gunna party like it’s 1899″, he laughed. With that he high fived me, and boogied back into the party crowd. Autism smiled and said, “He’s been like that for days now but will soon calm down. Vaccines Contain Mercury is anxious to catch up. He’ll be by the fire if I know him. The nights get pretty chilly around here”. On the way down we bumped into Vaccines Have Never Been Tested chatting with My Child’s Immune System Will Be Overwhelmed. They introduced their lady friend Vaccine Lies as High Pitched Crying and Hepatitis B Vaccine Kills. All looked in great health and we spent some time discussing the intricacies of vaccine testing and the many hundreds of immune system insults children get each day just from putting hands in mouths and going about their business.
My Child’s Immune System Will Be Overwhelmed wasn’t looking his usually nervous self. Autism explained that this was because meningococcal C, pneumococcal and varicella would be part of the full immunisation assessment from July 2013 and that MMR would be replaced with Priorix-Tetra, a quadrivalent vaccine for measles, mumps, rubella and varicella. So whilst the Myth itself was still pathetic, Overwhelmed wasn’t taking it personally and expected quite a lot of retelling. Plus Dorey was on air recently now claiming children receive 50 vaccines before school. We mingled on chatting with the crowd, enjoying the fare. By now the party was in full swing.
Infectious Diseases Are Harmless and Children Should Get Them and his friend Vaccines Actually Cause The Infectious Disease They Should Prevent had no doubt had a few wines, but were engrossed in a fascinating philosophical discussion. Antivaxxers believed in both Myths. Thus, if Diseases Are Harmless (even good as many claimed) was believed then surely there could be no problem with Vaccines Cause Disease – quite the opposite in fact. Similarly, if Vaccines Cause Disease was believed, then this was a bonus for the belief in Diseases Are Harmless or Good. By logical extension on one hand, if children were meant to get the diseases, then vaccines would be the surest way to reach this goal.
On the other hand, if vaccines causing disease was a reason to not vaccinate then this denied the children from wonderful diseases such as “Melanie’sMarvellous Measles“. Clearly they seemed to cancel each other out. Which couldn’t be true as they were both here in the Realm of Mythology, existing under the power of frequently told Myths. A large crowd had gathered around following the discussion intently. They told us the two had already discussed whether one Myth was more mythical than the other, or if one could possibly cancel out the other slightly more.
Scribbled on a piece of parchment was the famous 60 Minutes statement. “So, vaccines are dangerous, and diseases are good”, to which Viera Scheibner had answered “Exactly”. They’d decided that as each Myth made up an equal half of this statement and it was “exact” in an antivaxxers thinking it was proof they were equally valid. Which brought them back to square one. Now they were discussing the impact of human stupidity, posing various ways it might be measured. Sir Vaccines Caused Autism looked on with pride and whispered, “They’re doing well… for non-existent entities of course. Once they work out that human stupidity is infinite and can’t be measured they’ll soon have their answer – even if it takes weeks. Er.., no offence of course dear chap”.
“None taken my friend, none taken”, I replied quietly. “Once they work it out I imagine they’ll be just as shocked as delighted at the sheer glare of the Burning Stupid”. We started to move away as Autism grinned and almost bumped into a magnificently regal and ancient looking character. He took a step back, removed a large hat and offered a sweeping bow speaking in what sounded like a German dialect. Viennese? Austrian? A bit of both? Could it possibly be..?
“Ah Paul”, offered Autism, “May I present my good friend and Peer of The Realm, Sir Water Has A Memory, who holds a similar position to mine in the faculty of Homeopathic Myths”.
Gobsmacked for a moment, I stared at his deep blue vest and purple cape, both etched with golden thread then at the glittering jewels on his sword handle, scabbard, belt and fingers. Eventually I composed myself and managed a bow of sorts. Memory offered a few pleasantries in English and at that moment a younger looking Myth wandered up. “Excellent, excellent I hoped you’d be nearby”, Autism said to him. “Paul may I introduce Homeoprophylaxis, one of our few dual faculty members here at Castle Cockamaymee“.
Homeoprophylaxis shook my hand and extended a warm welcome in a Cuban accent. We stood about chatting and laughing at human stupidity for a while. Both Memory and Homeoprophylaxis were very keen to find out about the progress of the bogus claim that Quantum Physics would one day explain homeopathy. They were delighted to know their Mythical status was not only quite safe but that Theta and Quantum healers had now started using the same excuse. We left them dancing a jig and singing in Cuban and Viennese.
Before I knew it we’d made it to the fire place, which was roughly the size of a garage door. Lounging about in chairs were Vaccines Contain Mercury, Vaccines Contain Toxic Ingredients and Vaccines Don’t Work Because Kids Still Get The Disease, and a host of female Lies. One gracious looking mummified female wandered over and Sir Vaccines Cause Autism introduced her as his wife the good Lady Pervasive Developmental Disorder Is The Same As Autism. No doubt Lady PDD had copped a large dose of regenerative vibes from Woodford, and looked almost as fit as her husband.
Vaccines Contain Mercury seemed to be holding Court over the group, many of whom were toking on a large hookah pipe he kept topping up with hashish and cannabis. Known for his signature reefer Mercury took the view that being dead and non-existent must allow for some vices. He gave me a laid back wave. “I see you met old Shit and Sugar“, he said to laughter referring to Sir Water Has A Memory. “But seriously – lovely chap and dearly loved he is. Come and join us. We’re just discussing topics for this years AGM. My Children’s Immune System Will Be Overwhelmed looks set for a new workload and young Pertussis over there (I waved to a new face) is certain to be approved by the committee as a new Myth. The only issue is which Myth. Bad Cough? Vaccine doesn’t work? Vaccine causes pertussis? Vaccine kills babies? Man, it’s enough to do ya head in”.
Just then a cheer went up and we counted down to midnight. As soon as the cheering, back slapping and kissing of mummified corpses finished a slow chant began. “Pharma, Pharma, Pharma…“, it continued until the muscular and armored physique of Big Pharma Myth leaped on top of a table to thunderous applause.
He was holding a microphone in his massive hand and from somewhere the tune of Mary Poppins’ Chim Chim Cher-ee came from an amplifier.
I joined in the applause as I realised what was going on. Big Pharma had toured with Meryl Poppins during the Supercalifragilistichomeoprophylaxis Tour of W.A. singing the Conspira Conspira Conspira-see duo. He waited for the right moment then started singing in his baritone voice:
Conspira, conspira, conspira-see – I’m evil and wicked and quite darstardlee
Conspira, conspira, conspira-roo – Bad luck will rub off, when I shake ‘ands with you
We tells you people we do things so pure – But in truth we hide, the real cancer cure
Conspira, conspira, conspira-see – You take all my drugs, I take your money
Flying about in me luxury jet – I pull the lever, and it’s chemtrails you get
We seem to work very ‘ard, travelling miles – But in truth we are, shape shifting reptiles
Conspira, conspira, conspirasee – I am just a slave to Malignancy
We tell you we do lots of randomised trials – But just sit around and twiddle some dials
Our ads and our packets are all really slick – But it’s all just designed to keep people sick
Everybody! Conspira, conspira, conspirasee…
Soon the whole place was jumping and different Myths and Lies took turns with the microphone. At one point I found myself dancing with Vaccines Contain Mercury who, reefer in hand, seemed to have mastered a style that combined Square dancing with trying to stamp out spot fires. A few good natured sword fights broke out but of course no-one could get hurt. Improved Living Standards was back dressed in traditional garb thoroughly enjoying himself. I was particularly impressed with the voice of one young Vaccine Lie who I later found out was Doctors Don’t Report Adverse Reactions. She had the crowd in the palm of her hand. Homeoprophylaxis himself looked smitten as she sang:
Supercalifragilistichomeoprophylaxis
If you say it loud enough you ignore there is no praxis
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Supercalifragilistichomeoprophylaxis
When your patients are all dead blame oxygen atom’s axis
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay….
Slowly the night wore on and morning was approaching. I spent the better part of an hour chatting with Autism and Mercury about their early years together. It was easy to see why they were such firm friends. Mercury was furious about Dorey’s recent attempts to promote bogus and fraudulent nonsense to argue vaccines actually do cause autism. “It’s not just you”, he stressed to his friend, “But Lady PDD’s ontology has now been openly threatened by that ridiculous travelling side show”.
“I’m quite fine and so is my good wife and you know how I feel about fuss”, replied Autism. “Which reminds me, we have a sunrise breakfast to share. Paul, it’s been a pleasure once again. You simply must come back for the AGM dear chap, and no I won’t hear of any excuse. We do have time portals after all. How was the journey over? We thought you’d prefer it to our usual choice of coffin or sarcophagus”.
“Awesome… I mean, very comfortable. Quite suitable”.
“Wonderful then. It’s almost time for you to leave, so until next time I’ll be off and bid thee both farewell”, said Autism embracing Mercury in a brotherly hug. With that he headed for a side door and was gone. Mercury was rolling up another reefer and nodded toward the balcony door. I bade farewell all those who were still around (Big Pharma almost broke my hand in a bone crushing shake) and followed Mercury out into the freezing air. “So, what do ya think of the pace?”, he asked.
Words failed me. The sun was coming up and the view was magnificent. It stood to reason that as this was the original castle it was on the highest ground, giving an extraordinary view of the city below. Off in the distance I could see snow covered mountains. On the walls guards patrolled with one or two shooting an arrow or releasing some flaming debris from a catapult.
“It’s breath taking. Never seen anything like it. Is there some sort of battle or war or…?”.
“Battle?!”, Mercury sounded shocked. Nah. Just business as usual. Man, when there’s a battle they’re piled five deep down there. During the warmer months. Now we’re just keepin’ ‘em honest as usual. Poor buggers – you’ve seen the different types, yeah? Dyin’ for every stupid pile of bat shit nonsense known to Myth. Lied to by the scum riddled creatures who dream up this madness and hope to profit from it”.
“Sounds familiar”, I replied.
“Indeed. And without you guys who knows what could happen here. Seriously dude. Give our regards to all at Stop The AVN and all the others standing up for science and reason. The more rational your world, the safer The Realm of Mythology. We’re in your debt… what with us not actually technically existing and all. But a Fact is a Fact and a Myth is a Myth. I think the universe prefers it that way”, he said gazing distantly at the sunrise. I was about to agree but thought better of it. Things seemed quite perfect for a moment.
Soon we noticed Byron hovering around a cloud of mist. “Ah. Here’s your ride”, joked Vaccines Contain Mercury. He shook my hand and slapped my on the shoulder. I wandered up to the mist. Byron pointed at my pockets and at the side of his head with his bony finger. Oh! I realised he meant keys, wallet, phone…
“Yes, all good”, I said. Byron nodded and stepped back out of my way. I turned to look back at the heavily armed semi-mummified knight.
“It’s been real man”, Vaccines Contain Mercury said pointing at me with two fingers clasping what was left of his huge reefer.
With that I stepped into the mist and vanished from the Realm of Mythology and the best non existent party I’d never been to.
