It’s official! Reports that have been coming in from Middle Earth for the last couple of days are indeed accurate. Dr. Rachie (aka Dr. Rachael Dunlop) has unleashed the power of science on the undead corpses of nine vaccination myths, expunging their essence for all time.

All good fiction-fantasies have their mythical characters and the best mythical characters are those that keep returning time and again despite being killed off. So it is with these nine. Although long dead these myths have been constantly exhumed. Script writers of the antivaccination movement, faced with oblivion, have kept writing them into the story time and again.

Known as ring-wraiths because the argument that sustains the myth is circular nonsense they have been led by the most powerful and most often killed myth, Vaccines Cause Autism. Lured to Mount Mama Mia by rumours of untapped Quantum nearby, the nine never stood a chance. Autism was the first to fall as Rachie recounted the disgrace to befall Andrew Wakefield and his fraudulent caper. It was cut down with a double reminder that, as a result of this fraud, he was now unlicensed and the work withdrawn from publication. Retracted!

Before it could summon any more lies or buy the blood of any more children, Dr. Rachie finished Autism off with the weight of 20 years research and a brand new comprehensive review. She wrote in the ancient, powerful, yet sacred runes of science:

The largest study was done in Denmark and covered all children born from January 1991 through December 1998. A total of 537,303 children of which eighty-two percent were vaccinated for MMR were examined and there was no association between vaccination and the development of autistic disorder.

Further, in August 2011, an exhaustive review of the scientific literature by the Institute of Medicine in the US concluded that overall “few health problems are caused by or clearly associated with vaccines”. …12,000 peer-reviewed articles, covering eight different vaccines were pored over by a committee of 18 experts in the largest review of adverse events associated with vaccines since 1994… there is no causal relationship between vaccines and autism.

It was predictable who would fall next. Vaccines Cause Autism’s trusted side kick Vaccines Contain Mercury shrank back from the power of Science. Witnesses claim the air crackled with electricity as Dr. Rachie intoned confidently from The Book Of Evidence. She reminded the ghastly creature:

Mercury has not been present in routine childhood vaccines in Australia since 2000 and it was never in the MMR vaccine. Prior to 2000, thimerosal, an organomercury compound, was used in the manufacturing process of vaccines as a preservative.

Writhing and shrieking in despair it was finished off with more reminders that methyl mercury and bio-accumulation apply to sea foods. Then it suffered the same fate as ethyl mercury (the erstwhile preservative) does on entering the body, if it is used in adult vaccines. Total elimination.

This immediately got the attention of  journalists assembled nearby. Vaccines Contain Mercury and Vaccines Cause Autism had stopped off mere days earlier at the Magical Homeopathy Well as they travelled, they thought, in search of Quantum. It was there they spoke to a small gathering of journalists, admitting they intended to mix the magic water with the Quantum to concoct The Elixir of Everything.

Posing for Fountain Of Beauty photo’s (left) outside the Magical Well, the pair cut a sadder spectacle than Fran Sheffield and Isaac Golden in a medical library.

Asked if they knew they were in fact, long dead and to all intents and purposes had never really existed, Vaccines Cause Autism responded confidently:

“Quite the contrary my dear fellow. We’ve never felt more alive, more invigorated than right now and both look forward to another summer of terrifying innocent parents and driving up vaccine preventable disease. We have promotional tours planned with Meryl Dorey who’s been awfully suppressed of late, poor thing… free speech and what. But with some grossly inflated figures on the number of shots kids receive before school – it’s 12 but we’re saying something like 35 – and appearances with our friend and colleague “Vaccines have never been tested”, we should have a splendid time of it. Besides chaps we don’t have a lot of say in the matter. It’s the Power of the Burning Stupid that keeps us going and with this interweb business today there’s no shortage of that, what?”

Such confidence was clearly best suited to behind the silicon battlements of his home fortress on Mount McCarthy. Against the power of science the wraiths stood not a chance. The next to fall was Vaccines Contain Toxic Ingredients. A particularly irrational creature this one takes advantage of general ignorance. Eg, few know that whilst infants receive about 4 milligrams of aluminium from vaccines in the first 6 months of life, they receive 10 milligrams from breast milk and 40 mg from formula over the same time. Yet aluminium is essential as an adjuvant and actually allows less antigen per dose. Adjuvants work to aid the immune response making the vaccine more effective.

Dr. Rachie looks at some more myths about toxic ingredients from those exploiting ignorance to outright lies. She noted wisely that the dose makes the poison, throwing this at the creature in a blazing ball of pure, lethal fact. You may hear of how carcinogenic formaldehyde is and that it’s in vaccines. What scaremongers omit to tell you is that it’s only carcinogenic at certain concentrations. Whilst these concentrations aren’t found in vaccines they are found in particle board and other building materials. So, throw out your furniture and rebuild your house if you have an issue with formaldehyde.

Vaccines Have Never Been Tested suffers a gruesome fate. With her lab coat glowing incandescently Dr. Rachie held The Book of Evidence aloft enveloping this long dead beast in the pure light of reason:

When people claim that vaccines have “never been tested” they usually mean that they have not undergone randomized placebo controlled trials (RCTs). To do an RCT of a vaccine you would need to take two groups of kids, give one group the vaccine, and the other a placebo, then expose both groups to the disease to see which ones survive. Raise your hand if you can see the problem here…

In fact other vaccines have been tested. Remember the 2 million children who parents shoved them forward to receive the polio vaccine in a trial? Or the extensive HPV vaccination trials just finished to great success in Australia?

Vaccines Don’t Work Because Vaccinated Kids Get The Disease crumpled under the weight of evidence that crushed boulders to dust and left craters in the ground. Including the harsh reality that fatalities occur in the unvaccinated. Put simply, vaccines may not be magical or transcend the laws of reality as do vaccine myths but they prepare the immune system to fight viral infections. And in the main, some diseases making a comeback, like measles, only effect the unvaccinated. Using this argument on immunity that wanes or is specific to strains (such as whooping cough and influenza) is a darstardly trick of this myth. Keep an eye out for this ghoul. Don’t be fooled and get yourself a booster for pertussis.

Improved Living Standards Not Vaccination Reduced Disease A truly heinous beast indeed. We dealt with this one here copiously when Viera Scheibner tried it on recently, if you wish to check the video. But Dr. Rachie uses the sure fire Powerful Evidence Kill Shot to dispense with this Being from beyond. Gazes were quickly averted as sounds of cracking bones and squishing innards mixed with Mia’s cheering.

Since 1993 when the Hib (Haemophilus influenzae type b) vaccine was introduced into the Aussie schedule there’s been a >90% drop. In fact it’s now so rare epiglottitis once a sign of Hib can’t be assumed to be so. When isolated today, lab’ tests may reveal Haemophilus influenzae not to be Type b. This is a powerful impact from a single vaccine over a time when public sanitation, access to clean water and living conditions have not changed.

Infectious Diseases Are Harmless – Children are meant to get them never saw it coming. Wearing earplugs to block out ridicule and mocking laughter, this foul demonic entity was slayed with a barrage of Truth. Amongst other great points Dr. Rachie destroyed this “right of passage” wraith – dead before it hit the ground – with a devastating:

If you still think infectious diseases are harmless, wander through your local cemetery one day and note how many children died from diseases that we no longer see in society today – stamped out largely due to mass vaccination.

Vaccines Cause or Spread The Disease They Are Meant To Prevent has always been completely mad, so this was a mercy killing in truth. Leaping and frothing about uncontrollably it’s hard to comprehend it’s intent. You may have read some annoying anti-vax blurb or Facebook post about “my sister’s, neighbour’s, butcher’s, dog’s, vet’s, accountant was off for weeks with the flu after having the vaccine”. Bollocks. Only a large scale production failure could lead to “disease by vaccine”.

Before it vanished in a puff of smoke Dr. Rachie marched up to the wretched odourous thing, and inscribed on it’s forehead magical runes using the Quill Of Logical Legend:

Experiencing a slight temperature and/or a sore arm after getting a vaccine is actually a good thing. While some people misinterpret this as “getting the flu after the flu vaccine” it simply indicates that your immune system is responding…. This means next time you come across the disease in the environment your body is ready with an arsenal of antibodies to attack it before it can make you really sick.

My Child’s Immune System Will Be Overwhelmed is a rather pathetic little myth with low self esteem and a profound lack of confidence. And you can see why. With a mighty heave it was tossed into the Glare Of Truth under the rays of which it crackled and sizzled and finally shrivelled to a blackened crisp:

The amount of immune challenges that children fight every day (2,000 — 6,000) is significantly greater than the number of antigens in any combination of vaccines (about 150 for the entire vaccination schedule).

Well, that’s nine dead ringwraiths. All thanks to Dr. Rachael Dunlop, using nothing but Science. But like any good story they can be revived with another telling. So do be on the lookout. There are more goodies over in the article which is one I highly recommend following up on. There’s some great links and if you reckon there’s more myths (and there are) you can dig up some evidence based answers there to strike down these ghoulish zombies when they stagger into view.

For those aware of anti-vax tactics, there’s a jolly good comment from Mia who has no time for them or their deceptive ways. Striding across the drawbridge from her castle she cast a withering eye upon the Anti-vax Orcs, cowering below mumbling the same spells over and over. Undeterred by their putrid breath or horrid ugliness Mia spoke:

NOTE: looking through the hundreds of comments in the backend of the site, I can see the Anti-Vaccination people are up to their usual dirty tricks of linking to bogus crap research and commenting many many times under different names to try and make their cause seem better supported than it is.
People? VACCINATE your babies. Give your children boosters. And get a booster yourself.
And no, I don’t respect other people’s choices to not immunise their kids when they have the potential to kill other people’s babies.
It’s like respecting other people’s ‘right’ to drink and drive.
Bollocks to that.

Now if only we could work that into a public service announcement….