Legitimate Rape: for sufferers of Sexually Liberated Uterine Tendency

Thanks to USA Republican candidate Todd Akin we now know women need have little interest in their own body on the matter of pregnancy.

For sufferers of SLUT – sexually liberated uterine tendency – there is a way out. Legitimate Rape.

This video explains how.


National Call Australia: Call 1800 RESPECT / 1800 737 73 28

Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800

Lifeline: 13 11 14

Emergency: 000


Bob Brown seeks to dodge AVN bullet

Senator Bob Brown’s resignation as Greens party leader and a Senator does not erase a much needed explanation for his “bizarre outburst” in defence of The Australian Vaccination Network, it was revealed within minutes today.

A spokespig for Stop the AVN said that Brown’s “manifest cowardice” in using Parliamentary Privilege to, “rattle off every crackpot, debunked and discredited conspiracy theory linked to vaccines – including the cause of AIDS – was one of the lowest points in Australian political history”.

The naked spokespig with wings, appeared to be made of cast iron and carried a copy of The Skeptic. He quickly handed out sections of a 1997 Tasmanian State Parliament discussion on vaccination policy recorded in Hansard to reporters outside Parliament House (see below).

Asked whether this was a case of sour grapes over The Green’s long standing criticism of iron mining, or mining industry opposition to the carbon tax, the unusually handsome spokespig bristled, insisting:

My constitution has absolutely nothing to with the evidence on the subject of vaccination. And that evidence shows that Brown was wrong then, and his comments left undefended on record, are even more ridiculous today. I might be a Cast Iron Flying Pig but would suggest the evidence for vaccine efficacy and anthropogenic climate change are subject to similarly irrational opposition.

The spokespig went on to say that he was definitely not a climate change sceptic, but an “evidence seeking skeptic”. It was thus axiomatic that Brown should be able to judge the integrity of information and that his 1997 comments actually made a mockery of his so-called “scientific understanding” of global warming. “As a trained medical doctor he makes a very good doorstop”, intoned the spokespig.

When one reporter pointed out that Cast Iron Flying Pigs actually WERE doorstops, and that her elderly grandmother had one, he maintained that he was thus highly qualified to judge.

“The problem is that without verification, (then) Senator Brown cited the AVN’s magical “300 Reports of Serious Adverse reactions from vaccines, [of which they claim] not one was reported from the doctors involved”. Today 14 and a half years later, the AVN are yet to produce one of these properly verified reports, the spokespig announced to gasps of disbelief.

All Australians have a right to clear, unambiguous feedback on matters of public health, insisted the spokespig. “Bob Brown has failed in that respect, and his smokescreen of reasons for resignation can’t hide the fact that he’s now running scared from Stop The AVN”.

Bob Brown did not return phone calls this afternoon.

  • Hansard pages 8725 and 8726 covering Bob Brown’s bizarre November 11th, 1997 anti-vaccination diatribe:

Tas. Parliament Hansard

Vaccine Myths Celebrate 2012

“Tonight I’m gunna party like it’s 1899”

As the clock ticked toward midnight a couple of nights back I received a knock on the door from a very strange character indeed.

Standing on the door step was a heavily robed individual whose face was completely shadowed by a large hood. A cloud of foggy mist seemed to hang about his personage (I assumed it was male), along with a strong moldy smell and for a moment I was lost for words. All that was lacking to fit the role of Death, was the scythe. He thrust forward a rolled parchment tied in strands of old rope and sealed with a bright red wax seal.

I peered at the seal which seemed to read Castle Cockamaymee, then back at the visitor. He nodded at the parchment and extended an arm with a huge sleeve from which poked a cadaverous finger. He wiggled it as if to say get on with it so I broke the seal and the rope strands fell away. I unrolled it and with growing delight read the text:

Dear Paul,

You are invited to Vaccine Myths New Year Celebrations at our stronghold in Middle Earth.

Your guide Byron, has entered through one of our temporary trans-dimensional space time portals to hand you this invitation. Please feel welcome to follow him back through said portal, at which point you will arrive at your destination.

Venue: Realm of Mythology’s Castle Cockamaymee, Middle Earth.

Time: Meaningless.

Byron? Anyway…

It was signed by all nine vaccine ringwraiths, led of course by Sir Vaccines Cause Autism and Vaccines Contain Mercury. Slayed by Dr. Rachie with Science at the momentous Battle of Castle Mamamia they had since regenerated many times. Then there was a host of other signatures including the deep impression left by the powerful hand of Big Pharma Myth. I was particularly pleased to see Improved Living Standards Wiped Out Disease in a steady hand. Last I’d seen of him was on October 25th just before Meryl Dorey’s Supercalifragilistichomeoprophylaxis Tour of W.A. He was quite unwell and eventually collapsed a shrivelled, dead husk starved of proper retelling and poisoned by attempts to support him with pseudoscience.

Vaccine Myths are, to state the obvious, myths. It is through the telling of these Myths and belief in them that they source their life essence: The Power of the Burning Stupid. Attempts to turn a myth into reality through bogus means and false claims of evidence is disastrous. More than any other Myth, Improved Living Standards has struggled with attempts to nail him down with junk science. Mainly antivaxxers using reduced mortality figures that followed improvement in sanitation to fallaciously claim a drop in disease itself. Bogus, doctored graphs needlessly tacked onto a retelling have taken their toll over and again. More than a few times skeptics have saved him from oblivion.

Of course Vaccine Myths can be regenerated at any time, provided human beings radiate enough Burning Stupid and retell the specific Myth. What we here tend to call lying. I could certainly hazard a guess or two at where Improved Living Standards had sourced the Burning Stupid to regenerate. Usually philosophical about this, Vaccine Myths will fight for their survival against what they call “broken humans”, who are those antivaxxers we deem completely insane. Broken Humans are void of the Burning Stupid tending to radiate pure malignancy along with copious amounts of deadly bogus “evidence”.

For these reasons Vaccine Myths, which technically don’t exist, resemble long-dead, recently exhumed medieval knights, armed to the teeth but with delightfully unique personalities. Having chatted quite a bit with Sir Vaccines Cause Autism, I’ve become rather fond of his calm, capable, non confrontational approach to things. As I followed Byron toward a misty cloud a few meters down the road I reflected on Autism’s impeccable manners and suave disposition.

Knighted for services to the Realm of Mythology in sustaining the Power of The Burning Stupid, he was quite embarrassed about all the fuss, preferring to keep on with his huge workload. Fiercely dismissive of false myths and an outspoken critic of Meryl Dorey he’d been kind enough to outline to complexity that goes into choosing a new Vaccine Myth or a simple Lie. Byron reached the mist, turned and beckoned with his finger in the universal language “Follow”, then promptly disappeared. I stepped into the mist expecting a sort of Star Gate experience.

Yet within a step I was standing in sunshine a few feet from an enormous wooden gate reinforced with steel bands and studs that rose hundreds of feet above me. I thought FaceTime was cool, but Space Time had advantages. To my right and left huge hewn stone walls, much higher the the gate followed the terrain for thousands of meters. It was topped with battlements, some of which protruded outwards in arcs for 30 meters or so, dotted with huge merlons, watchtowers, archery and observation decks. Massive iron framework could be seen attached at strategic intervals the purpose of which was lost on me, beyond exploiting gravity for some hellish bone crushing, brain splattering, boiling oil spilling purpose.

Thousands of arrow loops and rectangular ports dotted the wall. Deceptively small, I knew from ancient castles and defensive walls in our dimension that each opened into a huge funicular recess running through the wall giving archers ample room to move and depending on height hundreds of square meters of target range. All this for protection against the many Enemies of Reason, Sir Vaccines Cause Autism had once explained to me. Dark forces here were devoted to turning Myths into perceived reality with junk science thus ushering in the Age Of Darkness.

Their minions – slaves and soldiers – looked for want of a better description, like Orcs. I looked around and was amazed to see hundreds of corpses in various states of decay and dismemberment. It was close to freezing and patches of snow and ice lay across the ground. They could have been here for days or months. These Orc-like creatures were similar but could be discerned by uniforms under their armour. Antivaxxers dressed like Andrew Wakefield and were endowed with large silicon breasts like Jenny McCarthy and tangled, unwashed hair like Meryl Dorey. They had accents like Viera Scheibner. Many had monkey heads and wings. A rotting sign lay near a flying monkey corpse. It read “Open ze gate or zoon you vill be drownink in de mercuree”.

Chiropractors and reflexologists wore white coats and used large shields with anatomical signs and impossibly dumb claims on them. Creationists carried bananas, rode giant crockoducks and had hair like Baptist ministers. TCM practitioners had Rhino horns protruding from their heads and carried bags of useless herbs. Acupuncturists had needles protruding from their hideous faces which they probably plucked out and shot with tiny little cross bows that they carried. I lost count of how many corpses were dressed like the Pope and covered in Holy Bling. The Aura readers wore psychedelic robes. Crystal healers shot crystals with sling shots. New Age diagnosticians were clad in flashing LED’s and meaningless printouts. Theta healers reputedly frowned at the walls and yelled “Quantum” periodically.

The homeopath soldiers were the most pathetic though. They supposedly spread themselves so thinly it was impossible to detect any. Rather than attacking the defences they believed they could win by attacking themselves in small doses. The smaller the more deadly. Some would cut off a finger or gouge out an eye. Highly trained veterans might sprain an ankle. Their Elite Forces attacked in groups of one brandishing a shaving cut. They believed just a memory of them attacking was sufficient to get results.

Looking at these corpses and carnage, the more I thought about it the more I realised it was a perfect analogy to our own struggle between science and woo. Uncaring beneficiaries misled wave after wave of misguided but loyal minions who then suffered the real consequences. Eventually Byron flicked his finger at the gate as if to say get on with it (again) then wandered off down along the wall, nimbly hurdling the disproportionate armour covered breasts of a prostrate antivaxxer corpse. Just then a small door opened in the gate and I wandered inside.

It was an incredible spectacle. An entire medieval city faded into the distance in a display of colour, architecture, sound and smell. An elderly cadaverous looking gentleman standing nearby introduced himself as Butter is good for burns, and said he’d guide me to the Ballroom, situated in the original Castle Cockamaymee. As we walked along winding pathways he pointed out the various Halls of The Realm of Mythology. Each alternative to medicine was separately represented here as an “alternative medicine” Myth.

The Divinity Campus was huge, encompassing countless Myths and staff. Butter is good for burns informed me that a recent addition in the Creationist Myth faculty was an entire building devoted to tackling Intelligent Design. This bogus “evidence” threatened Mythical retelling and thus the various Creation Myths themselves. Apparently however the sheer power of the Burning Stupid given off by those who accepted ID was unprecedented. Divinity scholars were hard at work researching exactly what was best for Myths.

Butter also made a point of telling me that Theta and Quantum Healing were new faculties not heard of “back in my day”. He said that with such finality that I assumed he may not have long left. Eventually we came to a building large enough to be called a castle in it’s own right.

No doubt the original Castle Cockamaymee around which the city of Castle Cockamaymee had grown. Huge walls and a large slope, now covered in grass testified to it’s original defensive purpose. Butter led me up a huge winding staircase that went on and on crossing huge galleries, passing cavernous hallways and massive doors.

Eventually we seemed to reach the top and he used a huge steel knocker to bang on the door, then excused himself heading off downstairs.

A moment later the door swung open and I was greeted by what I assumed was a younger relative of Sir Vaccines Cause Autism. Just as I recognised the familiar weapons and medals of gallantry he announced, “Ah, wonderful wonderful and well met young Paul. Delighted you could come. Do come in dear chap. Things are just getting under way”, he beckoned with a flourish of his robed arm.

I was astonished. Rather than the usual mummified corpse, he looked quite fresh. Almost alive. “Thank you Sir Vaccines…“.

“Just Autism, dear chap. We can dispense with titles also. Now don’t be too surprised at the state of everyone’s regeneration. There’s been quite a bit of Vaccine Myth retelling at your end and loads of the Burning Stupid. What with the reaction to the immunisation incentives, followed by Dorey on radio, upheld complaints, followed by more interviews before that Woodford business and then the Woodford Festival itself, we’re jumping out of our skin. And it just keeps coming. Delightful! Now come and say hello to…”.

Before he could finish a voice yelled out “Paulie, Paulie, Paulie!”, and a tanned fellow dressed in tennis gear came hurdling furniture and dodging party goers toward us. As he came up I could recognise Improved Living Standards, Not Vaccination Wiped Out Disease. I couldn’t believe this was the same dead and shrivelled husk from a few weeks back.

“Thank Stupidity for Judy Wilyman and Meryl Dorey. Look at what Wilyman wrote to Nicola Roxon following the Immunisation Incentive change in late November”, he gushed excitedly. This is point one in her letter – point one!”. He held up his iPhone and I read:

There is no historical evidence that vaccines controlled any of the infectious diseases listed in government immunization policies – in any developed country.

“It even sounds a bit ambiguous but I’m the only Myth that comes close… and we know it’s one of her core beliefs, so Bam I was on my feet in no time. Then it kept getting retold and believed over and over again. Then Dorey said the same thing on Facebook trying to use the mumps outbreak as proof and then next she’s on 3CR before Woodford. Listen to this!”, he offered passing me the ear buds and tapping his iPhone screen. Sure enough, there was Dorey’s voice saying:

A lot of the credit that’s been given to vaccines for the decline in deaths and infectious diseases has nothing to do with vaccines. Because it all happened before the shots were introduced. Engineers did more to improve the health of Australians than doctors ever have.

“And of course, this is all in the governments own data she reckons. It’s awesome. I’m thinking of changing my name to Engineers did more to improve the health of Australians than doctors ever have, but it’s a bit long. Oh! I mixed it up with some rap also, so I can groove around the place. Have a listen”:


“Anyway, tonight I’m gunna party like it’s 1899”, he laughed. With that he high fived me, and boogied back into the party crowd. Autism smiled and said, “He’s been like that for days now but will soon calm down. Vaccines Contain Mercury is anxious to catch up. He’ll be by the fire if I know him. The nights get pretty chilly around here”. On the way down we bumped into Vaccines Have Never Been Tested chatting with My Child’s Immune System Will Be Overwhelmed. They introduced their lady friend Vaccine Lies as High Pitched Crying and Hepatitis B Vaccine Kills. All looked in great health and we spent some time discussing the intricacies of vaccine testing and the many hundreds of immune system insults children get each day just from putting hands in mouths and going about their business.

My Child’s Immune System Will Be Overwhelmed wasn’t looking his usually nervous self. Autism explained that this was because meningococcal C, pneumococcal and varicella would be part of the full immunisation assessment from July 2013 and that MMR would be replaced with Priorix-Tetra, a quadrivalent vaccine for measles, mumps, rubella and varicella. So whilst the Myth itself was still pathetic, Overwhelmed wasn’t taking it personally and expected quite a lot of retelling. Plus Dorey was on air recently now claiming children receive 50 vaccines before school. We mingled on chatting with the crowd, enjoying the fare. By now the party was in full swing.

Infectious Diseases Are Harmless and Children Should Get Them and his friend Vaccines Actually Cause The Infectious Disease They Should Prevent had no doubt had a few wines, but were engrossed in a fascinating philosophical discussion. Antivaxxers believed in both Myths. Thus, if Diseases Are Harmless (even good as many claimed) was believed then surely there could be no problem with Vaccines Cause Disease – quite the opposite in fact. Similarly, if Vaccines Cause Disease was believed, then this was a bonus for the belief in Diseases Are Harmless or Good. By logical extension on one hand, if children were meant to get the diseases, then vaccines would be the surest way to reach this goal.

On the other hand, if vaccines causing disease was a reason to not vaccinate then this denied the children from wonderful diseases such as “Melanie’s Marvellous Measles“. Clearly they seemed to cancel each other out. Which couldn’t be true as they were both here in the Realm of Mythology, existing under the power of frequently told Myths. A large crowd had gathered around following the discussion intently. They told us the two had already discussed whether one Myth was more mythical than the other, or if one could possibly cancel out the other slightly more.

Scribbled on a piece of parchment was the famous 60 Minutes statement. “So, vaccines are dangerous, and diseases are good”, to which Viera Scheibner had answered “Exactly”. They’d decided that as each Myth made up an equal half of this statement and it was “exact” in an antivaxxers thinking it was proof they were equally valid. Which brought them back to square one. Now they were discussing the impact of human stupidity, posing various ways it might be measured. Sir Vaccines Caused Autism looked on with pride and whispered, “They’re doing well… for non-existent entities of course. Once they work out that human stupidity is infinite and can’t be measured they’ll soon have their answer – even if it takes weeks. Er.., no offence of course dear chap”.

“None taken my friend, none taken”, I replied quietly. “Once they work it out I imagine they’ll be just as shocked as delighted at the sheer glare of the Burning Stupid”. We started to move away as Autism grinned and almost bumped into a magnificently regal and ancient looking character. He took a step back, removed a large hat and offered a sweeping bow speaking in what sounded like a German dialect. Viennese? Austrian? A bit of both? Could it possibly be..?

“Ah Paul”, offered Autism, “May I present my good friend and Peer of The Realm, Sir Water Has A Memory, who holds a similar position to mine in the faculty of Homeopathic Myths”.

Gobsmacked for a moment, I stared at his deep blue vest and purple cape, both etched with golden thread then at the glittering jewels on his sword handle, scabbard, belt and fingers. Eventually I composed myself and managed a bow of sorts. Memory offered a few pleasantries in English and at that moment a younger looking Myth wandered up. “Excellent, excellent I hoped you’d be nearby”, Autism said to him. “Paul may I introduce Homeoprophylaxis, one of our few dual faculty members here at Castle Cockamaymee“.

Homeoprophylaxis shook my hand and extended a warm welcome in a Cuban accent. We stood about chatting and laughing at human stupidity for a while. Both Memory and Homeoprophylaxis were very keen to find out about the progress of the bogus claim that Quantum Physics would one day explain homeopathy. They were delighted to know their Mythical status was not only quite safe but that Theta and Quantum healers had now started using the same excuse. We left them dancing a jig and singing in Cuban and Viennese.

Before I knew it we’d made it to the fire place, which was roughly the size of a garage door. Lounging about in chairs were Vaccines Contain Mercury, Vaccines Contain Toxic Ingredients and Vaccines Don’t Work Because Kids Still Get The Disease, and a host of female Lies. One gracious looking mummified female wandered over and Sir Vaccines Cause Autism introduced her as his wife the good Lady Pervasive Developmental Disorder Is The Same As Autism. No doubt Lady PDD had copped a large dose of regenerative vibes from Woodford, and looked almost as fit as her husband.

Vaccines Contain Mercury seemed to be holding Court over the group, many of whom were toking on a large hookah pipe he kept topping up with hashish and cannabis. Known for his signature reefer Mercury took the view that being dead and non-existent must allow for some vices. He gave me a laid back wave. “I see you met old Shit and Sugar“, he said to laughter referring to Sir Water Has A Memory. “But seriously – lovely chap and dearly loved he is. Come and join us. We’re just discussing topics for this years AGM. My Children’s Immune System Will Be Overwhelmed looks set for a new workload and young Pertussis over there (I waved to a new face) is certain to be approved by the committee as a new Myth. The only issue is which Myth. Bad Cough? Vaccine doesn’t work? Vaccine causes pertussis? Vaccine kills babies? Man, it’s enough to do ya head in”.

Just then a cheer went up and we counted down to midnight. As soon as the cheering, back slapping and kissing of mummified corpses finished a slow chant began. “Pharma, Pharma, Pharma…“, it continued until the muscular and armored physique of Big Pharma Myth leaped on top of a table to thunderous applause.

He was holding a microphone in his massive hand and from somewhere the tune of Mary Poppins’ Chim Chim Cher-ee came from an amplifier.

I joined in the applause as I realised what was going on. Big Pharma had toured with Meryl Poppins during the Supercalifragilistichomeoprophylaxis Tour of W.A. singing the Conspira Conspira Conspira-see duo. He waited for the right moment then started singing in his baritone voice:

Conspira, conspira, conspira-see – I’m evil and wicked and quite darstardlee

Conspira, conspira, conspira-roo – Bad luck will rub off, when I shake ‘ands with you

We tells you people we do things so pure – But in truth we hide, the real cancer cure

Conspira, conspira, conspira-see – You take all my drugs, I take your money

Flying about in me luxury jet – I pull the lever, and it’s chemtrails you get

We seem to work very ‘ard, travelling miles – But in truth we are, shape shifting reptiles

Conspira, conspira, conspirasee – I am just a slave to Malignancy

We tell you we do lots of randomised trials – But just sit around and twiddle some dials

Our ads and our packets are all really slick – But it’s all just designed to keep people sick

Everybody! Conspira, conspira, conspirasee…

Soon the whole place was jumping and different Myths and Lies took turns with the microphone. At one point I found myself dancing with Vaccines Contain Mercury who, reefer in hand, seemed to have mastered a style that combined Square dancing with trying to stamp out spot fires. A few good natured sword fights broke out but of course no-one could get hurt. Improved Living Standards was back dressed in traditional garb thoroughly enjoying himself. I was particularly impressed with the voice of one young Vaccine Lie who I later found out was Doctors Don’t Report Adverse Reactions. She had the crowd in the palm of her hand. Homeoprophylaxis himself looked smitten as she sang:


If you say it loud enough you ignore there is no praxis

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay


When your patients are all dead blame oxygen atom’s axis

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay….

Slowly the night wore on and morning was approaching. I spent the better part of an hour chatting with Autism and Mercury about their early years together. It was easy to see why they were such firm friends. Mercury was furious about Dorey’s recent attempts to promote bogus and fraudulent nonsense to argue vaccines actually do cause autism. “It’s not just you”, he stressed to his friend, “But Lady PDD’s ontology has now been openly threatened by that ridiculous travelling side show”.

“I’m quite fine and so is my good wife and you know how I feel about fuss”, replied Autism. “Which reminds me, we have a sunrise breakfast to share. Paul, it’s been a pleasure once again. You simply must come back for the AGM dear chap, and no I won’t hear of any excuse. We do have time portals after all. How was the journey over? We thought you’d prefer it to our usual choice of coffin or sarcophagus”.

“Awesome… I mean, very comfortable. Quite suitable”.

“Wonderful then. It’s almost time for you to leave, so until next time I’ll be off and bid thee both farewell”, said Autism embracing Mercury in a brotherly hug. With that he headed for a side door and was gone. Mercury was rolling up another reefer and nodded toward the balcony door. I bade farewell all those who were still around (Big Pharma almost broke my hand in a bone crushing shake) and followed Mercury out into the freezing air. “So, what do ya think of the pace?”, he asked.

Words failed me. The sun was coming up and the view was magnificent. It stood to reason that as this was the original castle it was on the highest ground, giving an extraordinary view of the city below. Off in the distance I could see snow covered mountains. On the walls guards patrolled with one or two shooting an arrow or releasing some flaming debris from a catapult.

“It’s breath taking. Never seen anything like it. Is there some sort of battle or war or…?”.

“Battle?!”, Mercury sounded shocked. Nah. Just business as usual. Man, when there’s a battle they’re piled five deep down there. During the warmer months. Now we’re just keepin’ ’em honest as usual. Poor buggers – you’ve seen the different types, yeah? Dyin’ for every stupid pile of bat shit nonsense known to Myth. Lied to by the scum riddled creatures who dream up this madness and hope to profit from it”.

“Sounds familiar”, I replied.

“Indeed. And without you guys who knows what could happen here. Seriously dude. Give our regards to all at Stop The AVN and all the others standing up for science and reason. The more rational your world, the safer The Realm of Mythology. We’re in your debt… what with us not actually technically existing and all. But a Fact is a Fact and a Myth is a Myth. I think the universe prefers it that way”, he said gazing distantly at the sunrise. I was about to agree but thought better of it. Things seemed quite perfect for a moment.

Soon we noticed Byron hovering around a cloud of mist. “Ah. Here’s your ride”, joked Vaccines Contain Mercury. He shook my hand and slapped my on the shoulder. I wandered up to the mist. Byron pointed at my pockets and at the side of his head with his bony finger. Oh! I realised he meant keys, wallet, phone…

“Yes, all good”, I said. Byron nodded and stepped back out of my way. I turned to look back at the heavily armed semi-mummified knight.

“It’s been real man”, Vaccines Contain Mercury said pointing at me with two fingers clasping what was left of his huge reefer.

With that I stepped into the mist and vanished from the Realm of Mythology and the best non existent party I’d never been to.

Vaccination Saves Lives

Stop The AVN Media Release

♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣

Imagine you’re listening to the radio one day and the discussion is on government funding and community education about road fatality and driver education.

A woman is invited to speak. You catch her name as Peryl Clawy. She’s president of The Australian Road Safety Network. Impressive. She claims to be for “informed choice” on your safety as a driver. Her only aim is to educate drivers about driving skill so they can choose what’s best for them and their family. She wants to present both sides of the argument. Sounds great. You pay more attention.

The announcer asks her about the condition of roads and of railway crossings, during peak periods. There’s been a report linking speed, poor road maintenance and traffic jams to accidents on the open road and at crossings. It’s been suggested licencing fees may increase to help cover costs to improve the condition of roads. The woman answers;

“Well, we at the ARSN would take that with a grain of salt. This fee increase – or extortion to keep your licence as we prefer to call it – seems to be just another Big Brother tactic from the government, road authorities and road-way developers to keep drivers under the impression that safer roads save lives. But who did this study, and who paid them? Was it an independent study or by someone associated with road development?

The reality is that study after study shows that dangerous driving on difficult surfaces is an excellent way to improve driving skills, and more to the point we at the ARSN have thousands of reports of people killed and maimed whilst driving on perfect roads, under perfect lighting, in perfect weather conditions whilst under the speed limit. Despite big auto promising to make cars safer we have reports of children decapitated by air bags and adults sustaining crushed ribs and perforated lungs from seat belts, during accidents. The overall effect of all this safety is to deny the body’s natural driving skill from maturing.

Before the road safety industry began these highly lucrative fear campaigns urging people to listen to the police and to these so-called scientists, cars had no seat belts or safety devices and roads were made of dirt and sand. Children were carried on their mothers laps, and windscreens were clean non-toxic glass. Now, we’re trapped behind toxic lamination full of chemicals, that break away and float about the interior of the car causing illness, cancer and failure to thrive in children. They also poison breast milk. Since the baby capsule and booster seat laws came in the number of babies killed in motor vehicle accidents has increased ten fold and babies dying from SIDS in Australia has almost tripled.

I had a mother call me recently saying she picked up her sleeping baby from a capsule one night, placed her in her crib to sleep and the next morning discovered she was dead. Who takes responsibility for this? The baby capsule manufacturers? The road safety authorities? The media who continually hush up these cases? I mean I believe every life lost on the roads is tragic but why are babies who die in a crash whilst sitting on their mother’s laps front page news, and those that die from baby capsule induced SIDS never even reported? Children’s health in all nations with mass production of safer driving practice and so-called better roads is under attack. Chronic disease is at an all time high.

The fatality rate 80 years ago in Australia is a fraction of the total today. When they first made cars they just allowed the public to buy them. Now they fill them with dummies and crash them at full speed recording in detail every bit of damage that can happen to the human body. But do they tell you this when you buy a car? Do they show you a dummy and say, “See. this is what happens when you crash this car wearing all the safety gear”? No, of course not. Back then many drivers didn’t even have licences. More so, look at the percentage of drivers killed on our roads who hold full driving licences. It’s something like 99.99999%. If we look at the rise in licences over the past few generations we also see a steady increase in fatalities. So, it’s clear this licencing system plays a significant role in fatalities. And these aren’t my figures these are the government’s own figures.

We also have thousands of licence induced injuries on record. Humans are born with natural driving skills, just the way we’re born with the ability to walk, but these are trained out of us when we sit for a drivers licence. Now, we’ve been asking the government to run a trial of licenced vs unlicenced drivers with natural driving skills for years now to see whether artificial – or “learned” as they call it – skills are really better than those with natural or “unlearned” skills. But they don’t care. The government just doesn’t care.

So licencing and the teaching of driving skills has never been tested properly. The gold standard of science is the randomised control trial. Yet no studies actually exist that compare unlicenced driver skills in dangerous conditions, vs licenced driver skills in dangerous conditions. People are just expected to follow along and listen to road traffic authorities, ignoring their own instincts along the way. What’s worse is not only is there no evidence licencing doesn’t kill drivers, but they hold off allowing the unlearning of natural skills and the learning of unnatural skills until the late teens.

So the normal skills and curiosity all toddlers and children show as they’re growing is suppressed when it comes to driving a car, when study after study shows that children learn so much from interacting with their environment. We’ve also asked the government to run trials comparing toddlers and children who are allowed to play-drive for a few years with adults who have been forced into the artificially taught skill set, but again the government just doesn’t listen. They obviously just don’t care.

When I arrived in Australia almost 30 years ago there were no boom gates or lights at railway crossings and all the roads were unmade and full of pot holes. But since the bitumen has gone down and crossings have been developed fatalities have slowly increased. Now, we have all these scientists saying if you drive over the speed limit without a seat belt or drive through a railway crossing with flashing lights without looking you could die from it. Well, you didn’t die from it 30 years ago and you’re not going to die from it today.

Plus there’s now hate groups who insist we don’t have the right to say these things, to tell the other side of the story. The Australian skeptics, they set up a group call Stop The Australian Road Safety Network and they say that we don’t have free speech in Australia and that you have no right to get access to both sides of the story. They don’t want you to have this information, despite the risks of not knowing. They say you aren’t allowed to ask questions about driving or what might be best for you.

They just argue that it’s better to seek out “reputable” information and do what your driver instructor tells you or what your advanced driving skills instructor tells you. You know, um… pay attention to road conditions, adjust your driving for lighting and weather, observe the speed limits, take care in unknown areas, ensure your car is road worthy and has good tyres. Don’t think for yourself or follow what you think is best for your children – despite the carnage and the licence induced injuries.

So, it’s all about suppressing free speech and free choice. Just like in a communist country. Science doesn’t have all the answers so why we should trust science with something as valuable and potentially dangerous as driving is a mystery. Not one car is 100% safe and even the manufacturers admit this. But they don’t tell you up front. It’s time Australians stood up and raised their voice about these Licences Of Death, forced acceptance of so-called safety standards and returned to the old ways of doing things naturally. Free from interference and free from the lies of big auto backed by big government.”

The announcer quietly says thank you and hangs up.

You wouldn’t listen to this rubbish, so why bother when “safe driving” is swapped for “vaccination”?

All I want for Christmas…

Shopping for Christmas presents is always a challenge. Particularly if you’re one of those kill joy skeptics, kneeling before the alter of Science.

With your calloused knees of course, goes that huge blackened heart that beats with excitement at the chance to “advise consumers” about the wonders your tiny minds can’t appreciate. Wonders that Quanto-kinetic physicists are labouring to explain this very minute. So out of tune is your harmonic resonance from complaining about cancer cures that don’t cure, power bands with no power, SensaSlim with no sense… or even slim for that matter, or Angelic Reiki with no… no… Angelic Reikism, that you greet each Christmas a sad and sorry critter.

Well I hoped you took your skeptic issue sensible clothes or grey beard and pot belly and walked yourself into a state of present hunting exhaustion in your optimal coefficient of friction shoes, you blinkered twat! Or whatever party pooping, fashion free, sensibly comfortable hoof covering stompers we enlightened ones may have the misfortune to look at. I suppose there’s even a coefficient of friction App. Just hold your phone up to some goofy shoe sole and Hey Presto! Evidence! Yeah well I hope you’re looking down at that geeky evidence when they spray neurotoxic chemtrails above poisoning our God given air and suppressing the inherent scalar energised enlightenment of mother nature.

Keeping us enslaved as fluoride drinking, vaccine shooting, TV zombie, medically drugged up cattle, fed lies about the aliens in control, the disease cures hidden away with the AIDS generator and the satellites tracking our every move. Frying our brains and destroying mood enhancing negative ions with full-on EMF pulses from so-called mobile “phone towers”. Oh, yeah idiot! Sure. If they pulled off Building 7, then they’ll try anything. Like the 7 signs of ageing that suppress immortality. The seven seals in the Book of Revelations, building seven and the seven signs of ageing, ya dumb skeptic! Coincidence? I think not.

You’re not even real skeptics. Real skeptics doubt everything! One minute you say science can’t explain everything in the universe. The next ya using science to explain something. Something in the universe! Wow. I mean… just wow. Pathetic. You should hear yourselves. Well I hope you kept funding Big Pharma to suppress the truth and keep us sick. Took your poor children to those allopaths with their mind controlling drugs and vaccines cut with iron filings that they shoot into the bloodstream straight into the brain.

I on the other hand, cannot be fooled. To prove it, here’s some of the presents I got for my friends and family for when they’re out of quarantine for diphtheria.

Past Life Regression Christmas Gift Voucher

For a mere $270 Australian each of these are a total bargain. It’s worth it because you can’t mess with this stuff. It says so right on the site. But best is that even you drop kick skeptics could benefit from it:

Past Life Regression is a highly specialised area and should not be attempted with anyone other than a trained therapist.

More recently, I have also completed training in Past Life and Quantum Healing with the ‘Grand Dame’ of Past Life Regression. Experience has shown that Past Life Therapy can be an extremely valuable form of healing – even if the subject does not believe in reincarnation.

I’ve seen it work many, many times and for me, seeing is believing.

Psychic Reading Gift Vouchers

One of the reasons the enlightened never listen to skeptics is because we already know what going to happen. Psychic reading is not limited by distance. Don’t believe me? Just ask any Psychic Reader goofy. For an absolute bargain again I could choose from $20, $50 or the most economical $95 vouchers.

Thetahealing – Scientifically Explained

Just to prove that science – at least real science – isn’t limited to people with access to laboratories or brain washing libraries I booked early and got 25% off for Christmas. If you aren’t convinced by the “scientific evidence” heading, or the Theta Tree which clearly shows a brain and neuronal axons for roots (I mean wow), here’s more explanation, that only a fool could doubt:

An overly simple explanation of the science behind ThetaHealing is to say that it is a method of applied quantum mechanics engineering. Despite how miraculous and mystical it may sound, the ThetaHealing alternative healing modalities are grounded in hard science – namely quantum physics and cutting edge consciousness research.
ThetaHealing produces measurable results, but the mechanism by which it works is at the present being uncovered by physicists.

Further more, there are collaborations being presently arranged to provide scientific analysis and study of the ThetaHealing technique to prove in solid, scientific terms how and why it workings. After all, there is a great quantity of anecdotes with supporting medical confirmation from ThetaHealing clients who have experienced dramatic healing from this Holistic Therapy Medicine.

Christmas Homeopathic Survival Kit

This baby speaks for itself. I’m sure you’d have to agree. But specifically you’re missing out on toxin and side effect free cures for Over-indulgence, Stress and Anxiety, Sleep problems, Anger and resentment and Colds. You miserable sods could benefit from just anger and resentment remedies.

Long Distance Animal Theta Healing and Reading

Again this one speaks for itself. Jesus was born in a stable surrounded by animals. It makes absolute sense that Christmas is the time to boost your animals happiness and wellbeing through long distance theta healing and aura reading. As we read above this is “grounded in hard science… quantum physics and cutting edge consciousness research”. It’s bordering on animal cruelty to not seize this opportunity. While there you might feel like a treat yourself. You missed the $162 saving at only $243, but at a mere $405 you can’t go past:

Theta Weight Loss Tactics Program. Release weight without changing your diet.

Long distance Skype sessions or in person in Sydney.

Japanese acupuncture, herbs, nutrition, massage & chiropractic

If ever there was a one stop shop this has gotta be it! Recovering from cancer treatment, poor sexual performance or just that nagging urge to induce labour? Wholistic Natural Medicine can treat it all. Here’s their list with their own emphasis:

  • headaches & migraines, lower back pain & sciatica, rheumatoid arthritis & osteoarthritis, fatigue, fibromyalgia, neuralgia
  • sprains & RSI (e.g. tennis elbow), TMJ dysfunction, peripheral neuropathy, effects of stroke, Bell’s palsy, Meniere’s disease, earache & tinnitus (ringing in the ears)
  • cancer pain & side effects of cancer treatment, depression & anxiety, insomnia, post-traumatic stress disorder, stress & stress related conditions, menstrual & menopausal problems
  • premenstrual syndrome & period pain, polycystic ovarian syndrome, female infertility & male sexual dysfunction, low sexual vitality
  • morning sickness, foetal malposition, inducing labour, insufficient lactation, gastritis, nausea & vomiting, weight issues, peptic ulcer, heartburn, diarrhoea & constipation
  • irritable bowel syndrome, chronic ulcerative colitis, liver & gallbladder disorders, bronchial asthma, sinusitis & hayfever, whooping cough, chronic cough, upper respiratory tract infections
  • sore throat & tonsillitis, prostatitis, cystitis & recurrent urinary tract infection, urinary retention, acne, eczema, dermatitis & psoriasis, herpes zoster

Scalar Energy Pendants provide Quantum Energy & Negative Ion Production

I know. You were thinking surely there couldn’t be any more incredible life changing bargains. Skeptics are like that. Hanging round with miserable deniers of the Unseen they rarely get to see just how generous and gifted human beings are. But just imagine you’re too busy enjoying all this vitality, health, happiness and well being? Well Quantum Pendant Australia understands, and their pendants have “clinically proven benefits”. Lay it down, brother:

Western medicine even tends to downplay the efficacy of time and clinically tested herbal medicines that work as well as if not better than the more expensive synthetic solutions we’ve come up with. There’s not a lot of money in herbs, but there’s tons of money in man-made synthetic patentable drugs.

It’s really no wonder that the pharmaceutical industry wants us to rely on their drugs; it’s a multi-billion dollar industry. It’s an industry that comes out with a new allergy pill every time the patent runs out that isn’t necessarily any better than the old one, it’s just new and more profitable. The same thing happens with acid reflux and depression medications.

The negative ions that quantum pendants produce are shown to increase mood and well-being in just one hour. The best depression medication requires six weeks before any effects are seen and the success rate with a first antidepressant is under 20%.

Wow! People still fall for that money making pill industry. I hope you skeptics can see just how much you contribute to humankind’s pain. Half an hour to improve mood with a pendant vs 20% success with toxic, expensive, synthetic chemical containing drugs. These guys even wrote Unusual Christmas Gifts For Men 2011. Through sheer generosity they reveal:

The earth radiates scalar energy; therefore, a person would need to be outdoors either in a forest, beach or near a waterfall very frequently in order to gain the necessary exposure. Since this is just not possible, the Quantum Scalar Energy Pendant is a very valuable commodity. Some of the benefits that one would notice almost immediately are:
• An instant energy boost, Improved immunity, Protection from the harmful EMF’s, Better sleep patterns, Improved memory, Enhanced concentration

In addition to these benefits, there are also many illnesses and afflictions that are helped by the Quantum Scalar Energy Pendant. This is just a few since there are too many to list.

• Circulatory problems, Arthritis, Sprains and strains, Back pain, Inflammation, Muscular aches and pains, Breathing problems such as Asthma or COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease), Sports injuries, Pain associated with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

The Anti-Radiation cell phone stickers and the Bio-energy cards both provide comparable results as the pendant. They both contain the necessary minerals found within the pendant and for this reason, they function similarly. The cell phone stickers work to reduce EMF’s from not only a cell phone, but various other devices as well…..

These guys are awesome. All that packed into just one pendant. No doctors appointments, no repeat prescriptions, no annoying follow up. Just pay once and you get exactly what you paid for. Rock on!

Of course there’s more. Angelic Reiki Christmas card designs. Christmas Crystals for calmness, love, healing, memory, pregnancy, vitality, sleep and paper weights. Santa themed aromatherapy for calmness, love, healing, memory, pregnancy, vitality, sleep and more. Reflexology for conditions you’ve never heard of nor knew you had. Don’t delay visiting one. Chiropractors will have a crack (no pun intended) at pretty much anything these days. Get the kids in early and make a booking for your pet ferret.

Well that’s about all from me. I’d wish you a Happy Skeptimas or whatever but we all know you haters are never happy without trying to shut down the truth and suppress free speech. So, with all that pure healing and zest above, I can only ask from all of us on the alternative side:

Who looks stupid now then?