Tag Archives: Humour

All I want for Christmas…

Posted in Alternative "medicine" scams, General, Scam by

Shopping for Christmas presents is always a challenge. Particularly if you’re one of those kill joy skeptics, kneeling before the alter of Science.

With your calloused knees of course, goes that huge blackened heart that beats with excitement at the chance to “advise consumers” about the wonders your tiny minds can’t appreciate. Wonders that Quanto-kinetic physicists are labouring to explain this very minute. So out of tune is your harmonic resonance from complaining about cancer cures that don’t cure, power bands with no power, SensaSlim with no sense… or even slim for that matter, or Angelic Reiki with no… no… Angelic Reikism, that you greet each Christmas a sad and sorry critter.

Well I hoped you took your skeptic issue sensible clothes or grey beard and pot belly and walked yourself into a state of present hunting exhaustion in your optimal coefficient of friction shoes, you blinkered twat! Or whatever party pooping, fashion free, sensibly comfortable hoof covering stompers we enlightened ones may have the misfortune to look at. I suppose there’s even a coefficient of friction App. Just hold your phone up to some goofy shoe sole and Hey Presto! Evidence! Yeah well I hope you’re looking down at that geeky evidence when they spray neurotoxic chemtrails above poisoning our God given air and suppressing the inherent scalar energised enlightenment of mother nature.

Keeping us enslaved as fluoride drinking, vaccine shooting, TV zombie, medically drugged up cattle, fed lies about the aliens in control, the disease cures hidden away with the AIDS generator and the satellites tracking our every move. Frying our brains and destroying mood enhancing negative ions with full-on EMF pulses from so-called mobile “phone towers”. Oh, yeah idiot! Sure. If they pulled off Building 7, then they’ll try anything. Like the 7 signs of ageing that suppress immortality. The seven seals in the Book of Revelations, building seven and the seven signs of ageing, ya dumb skeptic! Coincidence? I think not.

You’re not even real skeptics. Real skeptics doubt everything! One minute you say science can’t explain everything in the universe. The next ya using science to explain something. Something in the universe! Wow. I mean… just wow. Pathetic. You should hear yourselves. Well I hope you kept funding Big Pharma to suppress the truth and keep us sick. Took your poor children to those allopaths with their mind controlling drugs and vaccines cut with iron filings that they shoot into the bloodstream straight into the brain.

I on the other hand, cannot be fooled. To prove it, here’s some of the presents I got for my friends and family for when they’re out of quarantine for diphtheria.

Past Life Regression Christmas Gift Voucher

For a mere $270 Australian each of these are a total bargain. It’s worth it because you can’t mess with this stuff. It says so right on the site. But best is that even you drop kick skeptics could benefit from it:

Past Life Regression is a highly specialised area and should not be attempted with anyone other than a trained therapist.

More recently, I have also completed training in Past Life and Quantum Healing with the ‘Grand Dame’ of Past Life Regression. Experience has shown that Past Life Therapy can be an extremely valuable form of healing – even if the subject does not believe in reincarnation.

I’ve seen it work many, many times and for me, seeing is believing.

Psychic Reading Gift Vouchers

One of the reasons the enlightened never listen to skeptics is because we already know what going to happen. Psychic reading is not limited by distance. Don’t believe me? Just ask any Psychic Reader goofy. For an absolute bargain again I could choose from $20, $50 or the most economical $95 vouchers.

Thetahealing – Scientifically Explained

Just to prove that science – at least real science – isn’t limited to people with access to laboratories or brain washing libraries I booked early and got 25% off for Christmas. If you aren’t convinced by the “scientific evidence” heading, or the Theta Tree which clearly shows a brain and neuronal axons for roots (I mean wow), here’s more explanation, that only a fool could doubt:

An overly simple explanation of the science behind ThetaHealing is to say that it is a method of applied quantum mechanics engineering. Despite how miraculous and mystical it may sound, the ThetaHealing alternative healing modalities are grounded in hard science – namely quantum physics and cutting edge consciousness research.
ThetaHealing produces measurable results, but the mechanism by which it works is at the present being uncovered by physicists.

Further more, there are collaborations being presently arranged to provide scientific analysis and study of the ThetaHealing technique to prove in solid, scientific terms how and why it workings. After all, there is a great quantity of anecdotes with supporting medical confirmation from ThetaHealing clients who have experienced dramatic healing from this Holistic Therapy Medicine.

Christmas Homeopathic Survival Kit

This baby speaks for itself. I’m sure you’d have to agree. But specifically you’re missing out on toxin and side effect free cures for Over-indulgence, Stress and Anxiety, Sleep problems, Anger and resentment and Colds. You miserable sods could benefit from just anger and resentment remedies.

Long Distance Animal Theta Healing and Reading

Again this one speaks for itself. Jesus was born in a stable surrounded by animals. It makes absolute sense that Christmas is the time to boost your animals happiness and wellbeing through long distance theta healing and aura reading. As we read above this is “grounded in hard science… quantum physics and cutting edge consciousness research”. It’s bordering on animal cruelty to not seize this opportunity. While there you might feel like a treat yourself. You missed the $162 saving at only $243, but at a mere $405 you can’t go past:

Theta Weight Loss Tactics Program. Release weight without changing your diet.

Long distance Skype sessions or in person in Sydney.

Japanese acupuncture, herbs, nutrition, massage & chiropractic

If ever there was a one stop shop this has gotta be it! Recovering from cancer treatment, poor sexual performance or just that nagging urge to induce labour? Wholistic Natural Medicine can treat it all. Here’s their list with their own emphasis:

  • headaches & migraines, lower back pain & sciatica, rheumatoid arthritis & osteoarthritis, fatigue, fibromyalgia, neuralgia
  • sprains & RSI (e.g. tennis elbow), TMJ dysfunction, peripheral neuropathy, effects of stroke, Bell’s palsy, Meniere’s disease, earache & tinnitus (ringing in the ears)
  • cancer pain & side effects of cancer treatment, depression & anxiety, insomnia, post-traumatic stress disorder, stress & stress related conditions, menstrual & menopausal problems
  • premenstrual syndrome & period pain, polycystic ovarian syndrome, female infertility & male sexual dysfunction, low sexual vitality
  • morning sickness, foetal malposition, inducing labour, insufficient lactation, gastritis, nausea & vomiting, weight issues, peptic ulcer, heartburn, diarrhoea & constipation
  • irritable bowel syndrome, chronic ulcerative colitis, liver & gallbladder disorders, bronchial asthma, sinusitis & hayfever, whooping cough, chronic cough, upper respiratory tract infections
  • sore throat & tonsillitis, prostatitis, cystitis & recurrent urinary tract infection, urinary retention, acne, eczema, dermatitis & psoriasis, herpes zoster

Scalar Energy Pendants provide Quantum Energy & Negative Ion Production

I know. You were thinking surely there couldn’t be any more incredible life changing bargains. Skeptics are like that. Hanging round with miserable deniers of the Unseen they rarely get to see just how generous and gifted human beings are. But just imagine you’re too busy enjoying all this vitality, health, happiness and well being? Well Quantum Pendant Australia understands, and their pendants have “clinically proven benefits”. Lay it down, brother:

Western medicine even tends to downplay the efficacy of time and clinically tested herbal medicines that work as well as if not better than the more expensive synthetic solutions we’ve come up with. There’s not a lot of money in herbs, but there’s tons of money in man-made synthetic patentable drugs.

It’s really no wonder that the pharmaceutical industry wants us to rely on their drugs; it’s a multi-billion dollar industry. It’s an industry that comes out with a new allergy pill every time the patent runs out that isn’t necessarily any better than the old one, it’s just new and more profitable. The same thing happens with acid reflux and depression medications.

The negative ions that quantum pendants produce are shown to increase mood and well-being in just one hour. The best depression medication requires six weeks before any effects are seen and the success rate with a first antidepressant is under 20%.

Wow! People still fall for that money making pill industry. I hope you skeptics can see just how much you contribute to humankind’s pain. Half an hour to improve mood with a pendant vs 20% success with toxic, expensive, synthetic chemical containing drugs. These guys even wrote Unusual Christmas Gifts For Men 2011. Through sheer generosity they reveal:

The earth radiates scalar energy; therefore, a person would need to be outdoors either in a forest, beach or near a waterfall very frequently in order to gain the necessary exposure. Since this is just not possible, the Quantum Scalar Energy Pendant is a very valuable commodity. Some of the benefits that one would notice almost immediately are:
• An instant energy boost, Improved immunity, Protection from the harmful EMF’s, Better sleep patterns, Improved memory, Enhanced concentration

In addition to these benefits, there are also many illnesses and afflictions that are helped by the Quantum Scalar Energy Pendant. This is just a few since there are too many to list.

• Circulatory problems, Arthritis, Sprains and strains, Back pain, Inflammation, Muscular aches and pains, Breathing problems such as Asthma or COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease), Sports injuries, Pain associated with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

The Anti-Radiation cell phone stickers and the Bio-energy cards both provide comparable results as the pendant. They both contain the necessary minerals found within the pendant and for this reason, they function similarly. The cell phone stickers work to reduce EMF’s from not only a cell phone, but various other devices as well…..

These guys are awesome. All that packed into just one pendant. No doctors appointments, no repeat prescriptions, no annoying follow up. Just pay once and you get exactly what you paid for. Rock on!

Of course there’s more. Angelic Reiki Christmas card designs. Christmas Crystals for calmness, love, healing, memory, pregnancy, vitality, sleep and paper weights. Santa themed aromatherapy for calmness, love, healing, memory, pregnancy, vitality, sleep and more. Reflexology for conditions you’ve never heard of nor knew you had. Don’t delay visiting one. Chiropractors will have a crack (no pun intended) at pretty much anything these days. Get the kids in early and make a booking for your pet ferret.

Well that’s about all from me. I’d wish you a Happy Skeptimas or whatever but we all know you haters are never happy without trying to shut down the truth and suppress free speech. So, with all that pure healing and zest above, I can only ask from all of us on the alternative side:

Who looks stupid now then?

Skeptic Shoppers’ Victory Over Noble Slime

Posted in Alternative "medicine" scams, Big Placebo, Health, Scam by

Following our exclusive report yesterday on the bloody gangland SensaSlim war coming to the Melbourne Laser Skin and Wellness Clinic at Chadstone, investigations today indicate a partial victory.

Skeptical Shoopers swung into action standing up to underworld associate and SensaSlim dealer, Julie Grinberg. After going on record publically and assuring the consumers of Australia she had removed advertisements for SensaSlim we revealed yesterday this claim was in fact a complete fugazi. Chadstone Wellness were continuing to sell their Full Sliming Solution claiming it was backed by a Noble prize.

Despite this victory, we have only cracked open the door into this massive criminal enterprise. Underworld figures are known to seamlessly shift from one income source to another, coldly eliminating competition on “their turf”. The page on Noble Slime has been replaced with a replica of the age old scam of cellulite treatment. This advertising is quite misleading even on the face of it. A visit to the website yields a link to “Cellulite Therapy”. This takes you to a page with the psychologically damaging and completely misleading fearmongering:

Anything that can make us look awkward or out of shape can be considered as a problem

Do not ignore cellulite, it is very likely to get worse if you don’t do anything about it

Yet following the link Slimming Solution Weight Loss offers the same page, the same treatment [http://www.chadstone-wellness.com.au/sensaslim.html]. Documented, unproven, invasive treatment. Again we have misleading advertising but now on two fronts. The TGA clearly state they must “ensure advertisements are socially responsible, truthful, appropriate and not misleading.” But we have one treatment being sold as two. You can access the complaints page here for that reason alone or as we’ll see below for the clearly false advertising on “cellulite”.

Today’s models might wear less but the techno-scam beauty industry is now in full regalia

Of course the claim that any such cellulite treatment works is utterly bogus and serves only to drain money from hard working women who have been hoodwinked by the phrases above. A search for cellulite myths may come in handy and remember shoppers, all cellulite snake oil is backed by no research. Liposuction will produce results for some clients, and make it worse in others. The best non invasive approach, skeptical shoppers, is ongoing exercise for muscle toning and loss of adipose (fat) tissue.

Even then, it’s important to remember what’s going on. “Cellulite” itself is really a made up term to draw marketing attention to perfectly normal cellular changes and histology. It’s proved a boon to gadget makers and charlatans pushing massage, creams, lasers, lymphatic drainage, vacuums, injections (mesotherapy) and now the oxymoron scam “needle free mesotherapy”. “Wellness” itself is a made up term meaning absolutely nothing, but acts as an umbrella term which unproven scams and con artists make liberal use of to avoid in depth explanation of any real purpose.

There is a lengthy critique here of the many scams peddled by Wellness Warriors such as Melbourne Laser Skin and Wellness Clinic and Chadstone Wellness. It actually leads to another pitch for ridding yourself of cellulite via exercise. It may be a sneaky and competitive tactic but is in fact, quite accurate for most women. I will stress I’ve no problem with wanting to feel better about oneself. But do be aware that we’re often told there’s something wrong with us that leads to the belief initially. Body image is a part of us and even mild body dysmorphia is a problem for which some scams have a helpful short term placebo effect. Yet, like the “Seven Signs Of Ageing” skeptical shoppers, “Cellulite” was born to make the cosmetic industry and associates money.

In essence cellulite is nothing more than a description imbibed with negative connotations by the “Wellness” industry to shatter self confidence and take your money. The subcutaneous fat (just under the skin) is bound by connective tissue (collagen). These collagen fibers can and do tear away (or herniate) from other body tissues particularly dermal. Thus with the cells no longer bound smoothly to the underside of outer dermal tissue  – or the inside of your skin – we have the traditional dimple appearance that is misleadingly known as cellulite. With herniation away from deeper tissue and other fatty deposits we have bulges of larger mass.

The reality shoppers, is with tearing of connective tissue comes more collagen. There are different types of collagen cells with different purposes, but we know them better as connective tissue or scar tissue. After a time there is nothing apart from surgery that can alter it’s structure. More to the point the notion of repairing or altering the collagen changes that produce what’s called cellulite is from the beginning absurd. This brings us to fat cells. As very young toddlers and children we go through a period of adipose hyperplasia – the growing of new fat cells. They increase in number in response to the growing body’s need to store energy as fat.

At a certain point this process of readily growing new fat cells slows notably. Thereafter extra fat is laid down in the main via hypertrophy – an increase in size of the fat cells. These cells can swell to enormous proportions, dwarfing the original size. Also with obesity levels today hyperplasia is playing a greater role in adults. It follows that the more adipose tissue one has, the more fat one can store. Rubbing in a well marketed cream or using spas and electrical stimulation will not burn off stored energy. Remember Revitol? Promising you’d be in a bikini in 6 weeks.

And yet, skeptical shoppers, the quick thinking folk at Chadstone Wellness would have you believe One of the biggest problems that can ruin our silhouettes is of course cellulite. Predictably they roll out a warehouse of discredited, dangerous, unproven and very expensive scams. Even the research free Bowen Therapy invented by Aussie pseudoscientist Tom Bowen in the early 1950’s is offered with a straight face. I cannot stress this enough.  Have nothing to do with Bowen Therapy Scams. It has no body of supporting evidence. So shoppers, what is it? According to the ABC (believe it or not):

Bowen Therapy asks the body to recognise where it is out of balance and bring itself back into balance. A Bowen therapist gives a few succinct messages and the body does the work itself. A therapist rolls their hands in a specific way across the muscle fibre, giving the brain a message to help it heal a particular area.

A therapist may leave the room or sit quietly for 2-3 minutes after each movement to allow the body to process the information. Once the body has had a good treatment, it remembers the moves and each following treatment enhances the healing process. There is no ailment you wouldn’t address with Bowen – a therapist does not cure anything but asks the body to recognise the problems and correct itself.

Ah, it’s sheer Quackery shoppers! But Chadstone Wellness manage to plonk in complete falsehoods that sound sort of sciency:

Bowen Therapy works on the unique structure in the body called connective tissue. These connective tissue fibres, through injury, illness, stress (both physical or emotional) become “dehydrated” or “glued” causing imbalances to occur in the normal functioning of the body.

In applying the Bowen Move, the therapy works to release the “glued” or “stuck” connective tissue fibres in the body allowing them to re-hydrate naturally as connective tissue has the capacity to transform from a glued state to a more fluid state. Blockages are freed. Reconnections are made. From the first move, the body is sent a message that the emergency is over.

Bowen therapy naturally brings about the best rate of healing based on the individual’s own body resources and their level of injury. Over the last 45 years, it has successfully helped thousands of people suffering from a wide variety of conditions.

Yes. A magic touch and scar tissue heals itself! The body does the rest, knowing the “emergency is over”. Can you believe that skeptical shoppers?! 45 years eh? “Successful… thousands of people…suffering… wide variety…”. Be sure to include that in your complaint to the TGA. They’ll want to see documented evidence of these helped people shoppers, evidence! Let’s put this myth of healing connective tissue (collagen) in the trash where it belongs.

Anyone who has been through orthopaedic surgery or suffered an injury that threatens to reduce range of motion or leave a huge scar will remember the painful physiotherapy or occupational therapy that seemed to begin at a cruelly early stage. The threat of losing range of joint motion due to scar tissue gives us some insight into why all cellulite scams are bogus. The tearing of muscle tissue and ligaments in joints leads to the laying down of collagen. The first cells to begin the repair might be thought of as scaffolding or framework. More so, it responds morphologically to mechanical stimuli.

It is this process that offers a window of opportunity to regain range. As this “scaffolding” collagen tissue is laid down the tendons, ligaments or muscle it’s repairing can be forced into as great a range as possible. Then when the next type of collagen begins to form – that which is unyielding – it complies with the range that’s already on offer but provides a much stronger unyielding scar tissue. When the collagen associated with adipose herniates it simply hardens. If “cellulite” is visible the tearing is done and there is nothing that can “reconnect” the fibers that gave integrity before.

Even if there was a technique, it would be flying in the face of collagen histology and also assuming some incredible microsurgery is occurring. So combined with what we know about adipose, we now have some decent evidence as to why all the rituals and tricks are never going to remove the reality of human histology and physiology. One of the most common cellulite scams listed shoppers, is No Needle Mesotherapy. Dr. Lionel Bissoon seems to be the most vocal critic claiming on many a website:

This is truly an oxymoron, since one cannot perform Mesotherapy without injections. This procedure utilizes a technology known as iontophoresis which was used in physical therapy with very little success. It is now essentially repackaged with a new name for cellulite.

Others are a little more scathing of the concept. Some of you will know of the S.A. Mesotherapy Alert concerning Wellness Industry Guru, Monika Milka. Injecting stuff under the skin seems pretty extreme so perhaps we should give Chadstone Wellness a thumbs up. Regarding no needle mesotherapy, they claim:

There are four components to the technology. Let’s take a brief look at each of them.

Activating Current – Promotes greater vascularisation ensuring maximum amount of active ingredient is absorbed uniformly. As a positive “side effect” can reduce appearance of spider veins and enlarged capillaries.

Hydroelectrophoresis – Help active ingredients in water solutions to penetrate inside the skin tissue and transports molecules across the dermal barrier.

Electroporation – Promotes electropermeability of the cell membrane which helps the passage of substances. (This is “virtual needle” part of the discovery).

Cryophoresis – Application of cold temperature to lock the active ingredients into the skin cells. It also moves substances into lower layers under optimum conditions so that more is reabsorbed. This improves the performance of the solution’s active ingredients.

What an amazing library of evidence they must have ready to send to the TGA to back all that up, skeptic shoppers. The TGA are within their rights to demand all evidence that substantiates any claim made. So I’m mighty impressed at what these guys must have ready to hand out. Be sure to copy each one down accurately now. Virtual needles, activating currents, locking cold temperatures. That data must be impressive! And all for your cellulite riddled silhouette.

At least they aren’t jabbing stuff under the skin. Are they? What’s Lipodissolve?”

This is the first clinically proven way of fat reduction without liposuction

Many people see Lipodissolve and Mesotherapy as the same procedure. The major difference is that Lipodissolve is the treatment of the body’s fat layer with PC (Phosphatidylcholine) to permanently dissolve away fat cells…

Phosphatidylcholine has been used intravenously for many years to remove fat blocking the circulatory system and to protect the liver during severe liver illness. When injected into your fatty tissues the PC concentration destabilizes the PC membranes of some of your fat cell membranes, resulting in cell destruction and the release of their fatty contents into the fatty tissue.

Another natural component within Lipodissolve chemical cocktail, Deoxycholate (DC) dissolves the fatty contents into a “milky” emulsion. Your body’s scavenging cells slowly remove this milky emulsion over the next 2-3 months in the same way that they also remove a bruise. The removed fat is partly eliminated from your body via the intestines but it doesn’t cause any discomfort, nausea or diarrhoea. It is also partly used as preferential source of fuel for your body. This means that Lipodissolve forces your body to burn and utilize your unwanted fat.

Wow! Just like walking does! Or any exercise skeptical shoppers! But how safe is it? Shouldn’t there be at least some warnings? I mean Deoxycholic acid is a bile acid here guys – an ionic detergent. Some researchers think Phosphatidylcholine acts to break down fat. It can also rupture cells. Phosphatidylcholine/deoxycholate was banned in 2003 in Brazil from the exact practice described above for safety concerns and lack of efficacy as documented here in Quackwatch (Reprinted from Mortality & Morbidity Weekly Report November 11, 2005 / 54:1127-1130, 2005). Deoxycholate is regarded as the more dangerous and should not be used until a much larger body of evidence supports it.

Stephen Barrett also investigates Phosphatidylcholine/deoxycholate treatment thoroughly, delivering an extensive and not good report, a fraction of which shoppers, includes:

Adverse reactions to cosmetic mesotherapy have been reported…. A major British law firm is representing a young woman who is suing a surgeon who injected her with Lipostabil.

Professional groups representing plastic surgeons and dermatologists in the United States have warned against mesotherapy.

  • In 2005, the American Society of Plastic Surgeons’ Device & Technique Assessment (DATA) Committee published a report advising patients to be wary of mesotherapy until the safety and effectiveness of the procedure are confirmed.
  • In 2006, The American Society for Dermatologic Surgery concluded:
    • Despite the growing popularity of mesotherapy there is a paucity of available data and no randomized, double-blinded controlled studies unequivocally establish that the procedure is safe and efficacious for medical or aesthetic conditions.
    • Mesotherapy may ultimately prove to be a viable adjunct or option for these concerns, but further study is warranted before this technique can be endorsed.
    • Controlled research to determine the optimal formulation and treatment regimens as well as the safety, efficacy and further insight into the mechanism of action of this procedure is strongly encouraged.
  • In 2007, the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery warned against using injection fat-loss procedures until sufficient data are available to demonstrate safety and effectivess.

Clearly “Lipodissolve” is a high risk and potentially very dangerous therapy skeptical shoppers. One should speak only to their GP before considering any such pseudo-technique and be availed of all the risks in a proper clinical setting. Do not believe these advertising claims that seek to lighten you by $750 five times over. Also sold as an oral wonder treatment one would be wise to exercise extreme caution in the presence of anyone wielding a syringe of something not known to be safe or effective and that has a history of complications.

Melbourne Laser Skin and Wellness Clinic (cough) aka Chadstone Wellness also use Pressor Therapy which runs on the myth that as the body is 63% water that’s terribly important. By using scientician jargon and pressure cuffs fluid is forced away from it’s most unsightly location helping with “lymphatic drainage disorders and other organic filtering mechanisms” as you lie horizontal only to redistribute within minutes of you ending “therapy”. It’s actually recommended for 10 conditions so when you see it did nothing for one, you have nine more lives… so to speak, shoppers. It does have uses for bedridden or severely incapacitated patients. Don’t be fooled and ask for a physiotherapist to confirm your need.

There is of course and endless stream of hokus pokus going on down there. And I do mean, down there shoppers. They have struggled yet finally succeeded to find a cure for the hideous condition known as “normal anus”, through a brief yet highly unnatural process of Anal Bleaching:

Just as were losing our home (sic) and were about to take this page off the website we came across a lovely formulation that actually worked. The formulation contains a proprietary patented blend of natural skin lightening ingredients which bleaches your skin, even on most sensitive areas, without causing any irritation except for occasional dryness which can be easily treated by an application of a suitable quick absorbing moisturiser.

Ah, just “occasional dryness” for which they can sell you a moisturiser shoppers. Being inflicted with normal anus may not ruin your silhouette like cellulite does but just think of the confidence as you strut your bleached anus about to your friends’ envy. The pride when you drop the soap in the Fernwood gym showers to gasps of jealousy. Smirk confidently at your colonic irrigationist. Imagine all those hours when you can contort yourself in front of the mirror and admire your new BA in Beauty. Not to mention immediate friendships sealed over your next colonoscopy. Should you end up incapacitated in hospital you’ll be the talk of the nurses office. As for all those worries about what to get Grandma for Christmas…

But wait! There’s more!

Melbourne Laser Skin and Wellness Clinic proudly announce on another page, Nobody’s done what we’re about to do !!!. What?! You mean other people are successful anus bleachers?! But it’s true. Curing normal anus is nothing it seems. They don’t just do anti-aging – they do Speed Anti-Aging! The superiority of Speed Anti-Aging is proven in this table of complex data below. You, shopper, are the green bit:

How can this be possible you’re wondering? Simple:

Our unique five corner approach consists of the following:

  • Modern scientific methods in combination with natural formulations
  • Naturopathic involvement to take care of food cravings, deficiencies etc
  • Self Empowerment therapy to help your mind set
  • Acupuncture to enhance and speed up the process
  • Bowen Therapy to help eliminate toxins and waste from your body

A unique blend of modern science and debunked charlatanism at an incredibly inflated price will actually make you live longer. Incredible skeptical shoppers, just incredible. What are you waiting for?! And acupuncture can speed up Speed Anti-Aging! More years with your bleached anus and adverse effects from the mesotherapy that’s better known as Lipodissolve.

Truly, if you aren’t satisfied with these eminent Wellness warriors poking lasers at you, injecting you under the skin, defending your silhouette, bleaching your anus or extending your lifespan newly imbibed with “the body and mindset of a champion”, then you must check the menu on the website.

Sick of putting on makeup? Then perhaps cosmetic tattooing – or “permanent makeup” – is for you. Never wake up looking… well, normal again. After flashing your bleached anus to the girls in the shower at Fernwood you can scare them witless by washing your face and emerging unchanged! Swim laps fully made up and when you’re old, white haired and dying in hospital you’ll double as a clown for other folk. Kids will come from everywhere just to visit!

Of course most of the scams at Melbourne Laser Skin and Wellness Clinic will do nothing of much consequence bar drain your savings and raise your credit bill. That’s not too bad. Unless you want to trust “a talented artist” called Moira to tattoo your face or let someone stick you full of acidic cell destroying compounds. Then shoppers I can guarantee you’ll never forget.

Simply pick your scam from the many on offer and visit the TGA complaints page. It may not come to much because speed anti-aging is in no way misleading or socially irresponsible. Bleaching your anus to the point of dryness needing moisturiser is certainly “quality use of the product”. Everyone needs their organic filtering systems fired up by an over sized blood pressure cuff. Virtual needles are essential in every girls life and in no way deceptive. Bowen therapists will publish evidence any day now.

I’m sure everything’s completely above board.

The Unstoppable Underworld of SensaSlim

Posted in Alternative "medicine" scams, Big Placebo, Health, Legal, Scam by

Have you wanted a total wellness experience? Do you deserve some ‘me time’? Your wellness and health are in your hands!

Imagine how good it would feel to let your day drain away as you DO something just for You

So says Melbourne Laser Skin and Wellness Clinic. Sound a bit too good to be true? Confused at just what a “wellness” experience is? Get the feeling that stopping your money drain away from your hands is about all you need to DO for YOU? Then look no further skeptical shoppers!

That’s right skeptics! In a special offer available only to readers of this post – that’s this post only – I will reveal to YOU the shocking crime wave to have hit Chadstone Shopping Centre and steer you away from a certain scam and probably a violent death. Have you ever wanted total wellness woo revenge? Do you deserve some “justice time”? Imagine how it would feel as you report law breaking criminals to the hopelessly impotent TGA and DO something just for THE CONSUMERS OF AUSTRALIA. Well read on…

Last month as many of you know, the TGA banned the scam weight loss product SensaSlim after the ACCC uncovered misleading and deceptive conduct in advertising and promotion. The entire SensaSlim caper, brainchild of career criminal Peter Foster relied on non existent “research” at non existent institutes by non existent people. Even a non existent Nobel Prize was part of the con. Non existent successes such as the instant weight loss of the Black Caviar jockey made headlines and almost as quickly questions about honesty were raised. Complaints were first filed with the TGA back in mid March this year. You can check here for details on a long, sordid and sorry saga.

As we also know shoppers, this ghastly business climaxed with the arrest of conman and criminal Peter Foster for his role in this dark and devious scam. Technically he breached a court order to remain away from the weight loss industry as it had led to his imprisonment before, and it would be very sad indeed if that happened again. The only thing straining at credibility more than SensaSlim claims of losing weight while you sleep was the apathy of the TGA. True to form they did absolutely nothing for around eight months to de-register it as the evidence mounted. Or didn’t even appear as the case may be.

So from shonky claims, to consumer complaints, to dirty tactics, to the ACCC taking action, to more dirty tactics, to Peter Foster’s arrest which – hilariously – actually preceded the TGA ban by a full week, there’s been lots of attention on SensaSlim. So much attention shoppers, you would have to be very, very preoccupied as a supplier to not hear of this. To not know that:

It Is Now Illegal To Sell, Supply, Advertise, Export or Import SensaSlim

But is there more to this shady world of criminal enterprise and SensaSlim sleaze, shoppers? SensaSlim was masterminded by career criminal and international con man Peter Foster. The same SensaSlim that led lovable gangland figure and member of the drug lord producing Carlton Crew, Mick Gatto to invest his hard earned money? Yes shoppers! The same Mick Gatto who happened to shoot well known prolific underworld hit man Andrew “Benji” Veniamin in the face at point blank range completely by accident and managed to get off scott free even though forensic evidence was dodgy? Yes shoppers!

The same Andrew “Benji” Veniamin who was the trigger man for ruthless drug lord Carl Williams? Yes shoppers! The same Carl Williams who was battered to death inside Barwon 24 hour watch maximum security prison? Yes shoppers! The same Barwon prison whose Head Warden “went missing” on a “hunting trip” shortly after this murder? Yes shoppers!

But wait! There’s more!

As a special to readers of this post I can reveal this horrific gangland tale of shot hit men, murdered drug lords, missing wardens, unstoppable con men and their inexplicable link to one thing – SensaSlim – has come to Chadstone Shopping Centre, Melbourne. Today as the TGA tried to distance itself from any hint of blame the Medical Observer reported:

A TGA spokesperson dismissed as “nonsense” suggestions that the administration had “backed” the product by listing it on the Australian Register of Therapeutic Goods (ARTG) in 2010 and that its eventual move to effectively ban the product in Australia was “commensurate with the risk profile of the product”.

The accusations from resellers came after the TGA finally struck the product from the ARTG last month…. The delisting means that as of this month it could now be an offence to import, export, manufacture or supply SensaSlim.

But on Thursday last week at least five Australian websites were still advertising SensaSlim, with some telling MO they had not been told to stop selling the product, while others were refusing to remove the product from sale until the TGA had explained its decision.

That’s right shoppers! That bit actually had nothing to do with Chadstone! Read on…

Is it any wonder these men won’t back down. Not so for stalwart citizen Julie Grinberg of Chadstone Wellness. Clearly Julie had been very busy and just hadn’t heard of the ban or months of complaints peppering the “Wellness” industry and scattered across the media.

Another supplier, Julie Grinberg from Chadstone Wellness, which had the product advertised online, said she only heard the product was delisted when contacted by MO – after which she had the website changed.

“I was absolutely not aware of this,” she said. “Everything’s been changed to our site, just in case, just to be sure.”

Good on Julie. She’s had the website changed, “just to be sure”. So a quick visit four days later shoppers, reveals:

SensaSlim Melbourne Solution… Nobel Prize for Medicine

Oh my! Shoppers! An exact replica of the claims made by SensaSlim in direct contravention of the TGA ban.

The poster above describes the “sleep diet” and recounts the fraudulent trials that led the ACCC to take action over “deceptive and misleading conduct” and for making “unsubstantiated claims”. Not only is Julie Grinberg still selling SensaSlim she lied to Medical Observer!

Asked if he knew illegal products with connections to Melbourne’s bloody gangland war were being sold in the Shopping Centre, local resident Bill Smith said it wasn’t surprising. “The state government are always saying they’ll do something about the rising crime levels but they never really do”, he observed. “These people will do anything for money. No-one’s safe anymore”.

Local mother Jane Jones said, “What if there’s a shoot out as I go to get my nails done and my kids are caught in the cross fire all because of this… this… Senseless Slim? They just don’t care about the law. They do what they want because no-one can really touch them”, she sobbed. When told the TGA would take complaints she screamed hysterically and ran for the nearest exit.

All across Chadstone families were taking in the news the bloody gangland war had come to their town. Jimbo Flabatzki, an overweight computer junkie who spends his days in the Apple Mac shop said he felt sorry for people who fell for such fad scams. “Anyone knows when they discover a proper way to lose weight there’ll be an App for it”, he said checking the App Store on a nearby iPad.

Local lurker Shifty Shane said, “There’s nuffin ya can do. These dudes have international bank accounts, money tied up in investments, layered in legitimate income sources which redistributes in declared earnings. Or… um, so I’ve heard. Whatever this SensaSlim stuff has in it, people are willin’ to do anything to keep the trade goin’ man”.

So there you have it shoppers. Undeniable proof that weight loss scams and Melbourne’s underground gangland war are inextricably linked. To save yourselves keep away from Melbourne Laser Skin and Wellness Clinic Chadstone, or as it’s known by it’s street name Chadstone Wellness.

Lodge a complaint with the TGA here if you feel the advertisement (which is banned and should not actually exist) is not or does not:

  • socially responsible;
  • promote quality use of the products; and
  • do not mislead or deceive consumers.

All the details and instructions are above. The name to remember is Julie Grinberg of Chadstone Wellness. Phone number 03 9530 9800. Remember to add her comments to Medical Observer and include a copy of the advertisement. Parts 1 and 2 are above. Part 3 is here:

The address is Dandenong Road.

Chadstone,

Victoria, 3148.

Get that off to the TGA at these addresses ASAP shoppers! The sales price seems to be almost three times that of eBay stores. It’s not illegal to buy it so if you’re caught in the grip of this criminal enterprise save yourself a few dollars. As of today it’s over 11 days since the ban came into force. The ban that states:

It Is Now Illegal To Sell, Supply, Advertise, Export or Import SensaSlim

Fight back against these ruthless con artists and dangerous criminals. Dob in a (SensaSlim) dealer today.

The Sermon of Um

Posted in ACCESS Minintries, Religion by

In listening online to an ACCESS Sunday sermon at Naringal Baptist Church by chaplain Christine Burford my eyes were opened.

It suddenly dawned on me that… perhaps um… the Lord had gone doth spake to me that, um… sometimes the true message is in between the actual words.
And so it came to pass.

A full 10% of this utterly banal and way out there sermon was spent giving praise to the Almighty Um.

This is a sequential lift out of references to Our Lord Um. No additional edits have been made. As Christine says, “Behaviours are a symptom of a deeper cause”. No kidding?
All Praise to Um.