50% of us will face cancer in our own lives at one time or another… we will have to face the choice of how to treat our illness – using toxic drugs or safe, effective, time-tested natural remedies… If you or someone you know is facing this issue or if you just want to be prepared for any future cancer diagnoses, this will be the best $25 you have ever spent!
So incredible that Big Pharma, Big Government and Big Medicine don’t want you to know about it. What is it that “they” don’t want you to know about? One answer to cancer. That “one answer” is based on testimonials about black salve combined with ridiculous claims about Aldara (Imiquimod). Imiquimod is accused of causing “systemic and fatal reactions” and actually causing cancer.
In fact imiquimod is successful in treating basal and squamous cell carcinomas, malignant melanomas, actinic keratosis and genital warts to name some conditions. The business about it causing cancer may well have it’s genesis in the fact imiquimod is used on subclinical lesions to promote visibility. It’s a painful approach but ensures all lesions can be successfully treated.
“They” don’t want you to know
Black salve is a type of corrosive salve known as an escharotic. If you’d like to see and read up on the sort of damage corrosive salves can do, check out Quackwatch‘s article aptly headed, Don’t Use Corrosive Cancer Salves (Escharotics). A discussion on the natural logic for their use can be found, I believe, in close proximity to the word “preposterous”.
Dorey’s copy/paste blurb includes the usual silliness about “nature’s scalpel” having been used for over 2,000 years “to treat skin cancers and other cancerous conditions, leading to a total remission of the disease.” Total remission! Wow. Of course putting profits “ahead of morality or their duty of care”, doctors and therapeutic watchdogs have ruined lives with proven Aldara all over the world, rather than promote Black Salve. Strange, because in their overview of Cancer Salves the American Cancer Society note in that killjoy Big Medicine fashion:
Available scientific evidence does not support claims that salves are effective in treating cancer or tumors. In fact, some ingredients may cause great harm. There have been numerous reports of severe burns, disfigurement, and permanent scarring from some of these salves.
That’s awfully negative and a little alarming. In Australia the TGA did publish a warning on it’s website on February 3rd. No doubt just showing off because they can bridge the gap between Big Pharma and Big Government whilst pretending to regulate Big Medicine, the immoral profiteers abandon duty of care to warn Patients and Consumers:
The TGA strongly advises consumers and patients against purchasing or using Black Salve.
Black Salve is corrosive and essentially burns off layers of the skin and surrounding normal tissue. It can destroy large parts of the skin and underlying tissue, and leave significant scarring.
In addition to the TGA warning about the purchase and use of Black Salve, the TGA is also investigating the supply of the product in Australia.
Further, a complaint about the advertising of Black Salve on certain Australian Internet sites is currently under consideration by the Complaints Resolution Panel.
Not long ago Janelle Miles of The Courier Mail reported on this ongoing global plot to ruin lives with toxic drugs and hide, “this safe, effective, time tested natural remedy”, as Meryl called it. Interviewing Cosmetic Physicians Society of Australasia president Gabrielle Caswell, they managed to catch her out saying it was “pretty horrific stuff”, capable of causing “gross scarring”. “It’s disturbing that this product is so widely available,’‘, she added.
Later, probably trying to drive suspicion away from Big Cosmo, Caswell added:
“I wouldn’t want it on my body. I wouldn’t put it on a dog if I had a dog because I think if you have a pet, you look after them.”
Which is rather telling because apparently it is being sold for animal use. Illegally. The Australian Pesticides and Veterinary Medicines Authority are presently investigating five websites for peddling porkies to pooch. Many sites are quite happy to tell you the TGA advises against use for humans. But when you know “they” don’t want you to know, the sites may assume you know of another meaning entirely. You know?
The World Todayran a report earlier today on this issue [Audio MP3 here]. It’s clear there are appalling corrosive side effects that can ensue from using Black Salve. Yet the sheer predatory nature of those who contend that a localised agent could have any effect on a deeply invasive cancerous growth that also metastasises, (like melanoma), is appalling.
So is the claim that blood roots, zinc chloride and zinc oxide is a “safe, effective, natural” alternative being hushed up by organised conspiracy. The ABC confirm that many websites claim “that the medical establishment rejects alternative cancer therapies such as Black Salve because it’s too difficult to make money from them.”
Despite promotion of anecdotal claims and testimonials, as Ian Olver from the Cancer Council said:
If you just have testimonials, you really don’t know whether, even if it said to work whether that is one in two, one in 20 or one in 200 and that makes a big difference to whether you suggest it to anyone else.
The best twenty odd bucks you’ll ever spend? This burning stupid really burns.
Monika Milka is a perfect example of why alternatives to medicine have no place being legitimised in Australian universities.
On Monday February 13th, Today Tonight Adelaide ran a piece [below] on the gruff chain smoker who runs Monika’s Entity from run down sheds in Wallaroo and what passes for “rooms” in Gawler, South Australia. Despite being entirely unqualified in anything or registered anywhere Monika claims to be a healer of amazing talents.
Monika Milka: “The Universe knows best”
Monika Milka claims to be a homeopath, homeotoxicologist, iridologist, mesotherapist, biomesotherapist, deep tissue masseur and a deft hand with a quartz crystal diamond laser. Her “Tonics” – 150 ml bottles of ethanol and water sell for $150, and prompted the Today Tonight sting. In a hidden camera first, Milka claims her tonics are responsible for Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine physique.
“He needed to get the part for Wolverine… I made his physique”.
Presently as per the Public and Environmental Health Act 1987 Monika is under S.A. Health Department orders to not administer any substances to any person. Nor can she provide substances to another person, unless that substance is a commercial product. Of course this means Monika would have to spend to buy stock and sell at a retail price. But when you can score $150 for a splash of magical water those S.A. health authority orders prohibiting provision of anything must be a pain in the wallet.
On February 2nd Monika launched a Facebook scare campaign claiming that Heliobacter Pylori was vulnerable to her tonic which could eliminate infection. Diagnosis seems random, and antibiotics aren’t mentioned.
Even people with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome “in their veins” were led on by her. “Can I order it online?”, asks one target with CFS. Milka replies…
The scam continues. Only Monika’s “tonic” can save humanity from this “Bastard”.
Sounds… fair. But wait – there’s more Tonic Totality!
Tooth and gum pain? No problem:
How about your pets? Monika has a message for the bird brains out there. Homeopathy makes pets feel good – and smell nice.
Water you can add to… more water. Perhaps add it to cream. Wow, this is magic water indeed.
On and on it goes. I’m sure you get the idea. Monika’s $150 bottles of water range out to cure everything.
Let’s review how a not too bright con artist manages to be breaching conditions under the Public and Environmental Health Act 1987 simply by selling water. Well back around 2005 Monika hit on a money making boon. She decided she would claim to cure cancer by “killing the worms” that Monika invented as responsible for any manner of horrors. She’d do this by mesotherapy – injecting saline solution and “other substances” into very sick people for $500 per week.
Not long after this in June 2008, S.A. Health issued a Mesotherapy Alert. It included reports on six people who had attended Monika’s Entity suffering “multiple symmetrical skin abscesses on their calves, buttocks, thighs, abdomen, shoulders, face and neck”. Today it appears up to 14 people were seriously effected by this madness.
One had developed a notoriously difficult to treat mycobacterial abscess. Translation? Monika was almost certainly injecting her customers with tap water, the most common source of mycobacterium. Either that or sewerage contaminants.
Monika writes on Facebook and elsewhere using bizarre grammar and spelling. We get a strange contrived pixie sing-song lilt about the universe, karma, the law of attraction and nasty things eventually happening to anyone who challenges her. Monika apparently has some explaining to do.
Remember, Milka is by law not allowed to provide anything to anyone. I hate to be so blunt but she is a dirty, dangerous, deceptive and cruel scam artist. Although Monika has no qualifications, registration nor accreditation with any health or “alternative” health body in Australia she wants the unfortunate victims who pass by to believe so. On January 27th when stories on the urging of removal of quackery courses from universities were in the press, Monika drops a telling comment.
Being unregistered Milka may have accessed hypodermics from Needle and Syringe Programmes (NSPs) provided under harm reduction services for users of illicit drugs. This becomes more compelling when we note Milka claims “junkies” who she unwittingly hired were responsible for the unsterilised equipment.
Milka runs a Deli full time and has a smattering of customers whom she treats in filthy conditions in sheds. Thus, this story blaming missing “junkies” is unsatisfactory. Even if we entertain it (in fact even if we don’t), health authorities must face the reality that syringes used on patients may have been second hand. Milka owes it to her “patients” to ensure they seek testing for Hepatitis C and HIV. How were the sharps disposed of? What reason did Milka give to NSP staff for accessing equipment?
Of course to Milka, this is all nonsense. Despite an ongoing civil case seeking damages she claims it was all “dealt with years ago”. She is the victim in all this we’re told. The Universe trusts and loves her and in the dance of the Cosmos, that is all that matters.
As the wife of one of Monika’s victims told the Inquiry [page 42]:
In 2005, my husband, Ross, was diagnosed with cancer of the bile ducts. After surgery and various courses of chemotherapy and radiotherapy treatments failed to halt the diseases, my husband sought the help of Monica Milka who did ‘alternative therapies’. Monika assured my husband that she could cure him and commenced treating him with all types of sprays, medicines and injections. The many injections she gave to his stomach were to ‘kill the worms’ that were causing the problem but in fact left him very sore. She also took photos of his eyes and then showed him those supposed images on a computer screen, pointing out the ‘areas of improvement’ and telling him how well he was doing. Ross paid Monica over $500 per week. Initially he paid by visa card so received a receipt for this payment but later on he began to pay cash and no longer received any receipts.
Milka’s insouciance to her earthly responsibilities could not have been clearer:
The Committee received written correspondence from Clark Radin (lawyers) representing Ms Monika Milka. In their letter, Clark Radin requested that copies of all oral and written submissions received by the Committee against Ms Milka be provided to them… The option to view the material was not taken up by either Ms Milka or Clark Radin.
There’s little doubt Monika Milka and Monika’s Entity is a danger to the community. She is completely without remorse and appears oblivious to the notion of responsibility. She makes a living from thieving – scheming and scamming innocent and vulnerable Aussies, all of whom will be left worse than before encountering her. The only constant is the never ending barely comprehensible rambling about cosmic vibes and universal energy that can kindly be referred to as the rantings of an insane witch.
Not only is Monika Wolverine Milka a walking talking example of what pseudosciences must ensure they can control, she presently acts as a voice for their place in university. Apologists like Kerryn Phelps need far more than a few placebo studies to make this disease go away.
Somehow I doubt Milka is as loving and cosmic as she pretends. I hope the full force of the law hits her hard and hits her soon.
The rise of pseudoscience has been significant since cheap, rapid access to information has been the norm.
Regrettably the extreme beliefs held by many have been massaged by those who benefit such that Choice and Point of view (no matter how wrong) is taking the place of Evidence and Peer review. The trendy phrase that bothers me most is “health freedom”.
It’s one thing for hanky panky nonsense to make promises from shop windows and festivals. Yet quite another when it begins to shape the quality of science education on offer in Australian Universities. This rise in what I consider outright scams driven by those who are motivated by ego, self serving ideals and profit has a long history. I accept that many have genuine beliefs in the “wellness” industry. But I am yet to be availed of any evidence that consumer service and health is taking precedence over a vindictive confrontational trend by the many Enemies of Reason.
A group of concerned Australian health care researchers and providers has set up an organisation that aims to discourage universities from offering accreditation in unproven medical therapies. The group would also like such therapies to be removed from claimable benefits by health funds.
Currently 19 (out of 39) Australian universities offer courses in unproven and often bizarre treatments such as iridology, aromatherapy, homeopathy and chiropractic.
Keeping up to speed with the norm of attacking Australian Skeptics as the proxy demon for anything evidence based, Meryl Dorey of the Australian Vaccination Network fallaciously wrote on this development:
There is an organisation in Australia which hates every natural therapy. They hate the healthcare practitioners and they hate the healthcare consumers who ‘turn their backs’ on Western medicine in favour of a range of other modalities which put no money in their pockets and take away their prestige. Worst of all, they hate anyone who chooses not to use vaccines! That is the ultimate heresy, as far as they are concerned.
But it’s OK – because they have a plan and they have the money and media backing, they think, to bring this plan to fruition.
This group, the Australian Skeptics, has been instrumental in setting up the organisation, Stop the AVN.
Quite a lot of hatred to go with the free speech they are usually accused of suppressing. This is of course as noted before, simply scurrilous deflection from presenting any evidence or explaining missing funds. Stupidly many believers have taken up the trend. Meryl is under instruction from the Alliance for Health Freedom Australia to maintain the “enemy behind the curtain” slur on all things skeptical but ultimately it is very telling that Godwin’s Law out paces evidence provision in this matter.
Being tricked into conflict and betrayed by connivance is really what’s happening to many innocent minds. The big regret in some aspects is that heated young minds are misled as to the notion of skepticism and the aim of skeptic movements. Recently Adam Vanlangenberg, a Victorian school teacher and skeptic spoke on TV about the popularity of his lunchtime skeptic class.
Adam manages to capture in a few minutes a great deal of the bipartisan respect, tolerance and quest for verifiable knowledge that real skepticism is known for.
As the clock ticked toward midnight a couple of nights back I received a knock on the door from a very strange character indeed.
Standing on the door step was a heavily robed individual whose face was completely shadowed by a large hood. A cloud of foggy mist seemed to hang about his personage (I assumed it was male), along with a strong moldy smell and for a moment I was lost for words. All that was lacking to fit the role of Death, was the scythe. He thrust forward a rolled parchment tied in strands of old rope and sealed with a bright red wax seal.
I peered at the seal which seemed to read Castle Cockamaymee, then back at the visitor. He nodded at the parchment and extended an arm with a huge sleeve from which poked a cadaverous finger. He wiggled it as if to say get on with it so I broke the seal and the rope strands fell away. I unrolled it and with growing delight read the text:
Dear Paul,
You are invited to Vaccine Myths New Year Celebrations at our stronghold in Middle Earth.
Your guide Byron, has entered through one of our temporary trans-dimensional space time portals to hand you this invitation. Please feel welcome to follow him back through said portal, at which point you will arrive at your destination.
Venue: Realm of Mythology’s Castle Cockamaymee, Middle Earth.
Time: Meaningless.
Byron? Anyway…
It was signed by all nine vaccine ringwraiths, led of course by Sir Vaccines Cause Autism and Vaccines Contain Mercury. Slayed by Dr. Rachie with Science at the momentous Battle of Castle Mamamia they had since regenerated many times. Then there was a host of other signatures including the deep impression left by the powerful hand of Big Pharma Myth. I was particularly pleased to see Improved Living Standards Wiped Out Disease in a steady hand. Last I’d seen of him was on October 25th just before Meryl Dorey’s Supercalifragilistichomeoprophylaxis Tour of W.A. He was quite unwell and eventually collapsed a shrivelled, dead husk starved of proper retelling and poisoned by attempts to support him with pseudoscience.
Vaccine Myths are, to state the obvious, myths. It is through the telling of these Myths and belief in them that they source their life essence: The Power of the Burning Stupid. Attempts to turn a myth into reality through bogus means and false claims of evidence is disastrous. More than any other Myth, Improved Living Standards has struggled with attempts to nail him down with junk science. Mainly antivaxxers using reduced mortality figures that followed improvement in sanitation to fallaciously claim a drop in disease itself. Bogus, doctored graphs needlessly tacked onto a retelling have taken their toll over and again. More than a few times skeptics have saved him from oblivion.
Of course Vaccine Myths can be regenerated at any time, provided human beings radiate enough Burning Stupid and retell the specific Myth. What we here tend to call lying. I could certainly hazard a guess or two at where Improved Living Standards had sourced the Burning Stupid to regenerate. Usually philosophical about this, Vaccine Myths will fight for their survival against what they call “broken humans”, who are those antivaxxers we deem completely insane. Broken Humans are void of the Burning Stupid tending to radiate pure malignancy along with copious amounts of deadly bogus “evidence”.
For these reasons Vaccine Myths, which technically don’t exist, resemble long-dead, recently exhumed medieval knights, armed to the teeth but with delightfully unique personalities. Having chatted quite a bit with Sir Vaccines Cause Autism, I’ve become rather fond of his calm, capable, non confrontational approach to things. As I followed Byron toward a misty cloud a few meters down the road I reflected on Autism’s impeccable manners and suave disposition.
Knighted for services to the Realm of Mythology in sustaining the Power of The Burning Stupid, he was quite embarrassed about all the fuss, preferring to keep on with his huge workload. Fiercely dismissive of false myths and an outspoken critic of Meryl Dorey he’d been kind enough to outline to complexity that goes into choosing a new Vaccine Myth or a simple Lie. Byron reached the mist, turned and beckoned with his finger in the universal language “Follow”, then promptly disappeared. I stepped into the mist expecting a sort of Star Gate experience.
Yet within a step I was standing in sunshine a few feet from an enormous wooden gate reinforced with steel bands and studs that rose hundreds of feet above me. I thought FaceTime was cool, but Space Time had advantages. To my right and left huge hewn stone walls, much higher the the gate followed the terrain for thousands of meters. It was topped with battlements, some of which protruded outwards in arcs for 30 meters or so, dotted with huge merlons, watchtowers, archery and observation decks. Massive iron framework could be seen attached at strategic intervals the purpose of which was lost on me, beyond exploiting gravity for some hellish bone crushing, brain splattering, boiling oil spilling purpose.
Thousands of arrow loops and rectangular ports dotted the wall. Deceptively small, I knew from ancient castles and defensive walls in our dimension that each opened into a huge funicular recess running through the wall giving archers ample room to move and depending on height hundreds of square meters of target range. All this for protection against the many Enemies of Reason, Sir Vaccines Cause Autism had once explained to me. Dark forces here were devoted to turning Myths into perceived reality with junk science thus ushering in the Age Of Darkness.
Their minions – slaves and soldiers – looked for want of a better description, like Orcs. I looked around and was amazed to see hundreds of corpses in various states of decay and dismemberment. It was close to freezing and patches of snow and ice lay across the ground. They could have been here for days or months. These Orc-like creatures were similar but could be discerned by uniforms under their armour. Antivaxxers dressed like Andrew Wakefield and were endowed with large silicon breasts like Jenny McCarthy and tangled, unwashed hair like Meryl Dorey. They had accents like Viera Scheibner. Many had monkey heads and wings. A rotting sign lay near a flying monkey corpse. It read “Open ze gate or zoon you vill be drownink in de mercuree”.
Chiropractors and reflexologists wore white coats and used large shields with anatomical signs and impossibly dumb claims on them. Creationists carried bananas, rode giant crockoducks and had hair like Baptist ministers. TCM practitioners had Rhino horns protruding from their heads and carried bags of useless herbs. Acupuncturists had needles protruding from their hideous faces which they probably plucked out and shot with tiny little cross bows that they carried. I lost count of how many corpses were dressed like the Pope and covered in Holy Bling. The Aura readers wore psychedelic robes. Crystal healers shot crystals with sling shots. New Age diagnosticians were clad in flashing LED’s and meaningless printouts. Theta healers reputedly frowned at the walls and yelled “Quantum” periodically.
The homeopath soldiers were the most pathetic though. They supposedly spread themselves so thinly it was impossible to detect any. Rather than attacking the defences they believed they could win by attacking themselves in small doses. The smaller the more deadly. Some would cut off a finger or gouge out an eye. Highly trained veterans might sprain an ankle. Their Elite Forces attacked in groups of one brandishing a shaving cut. They believed just a memory of them attacking was sufficient to get results.
Looking at these corpses and carnage, the more I thought about it the more I realised it was a perfect analogy to our own struggle between science and woo. Uncaring beneficiaries misled wave after wave of misguided but loyal minions who then suffered the real consequences. Eventually Byron flicked his finger at the gate as if to say get on with it (again) then wandered off down along the wall, nimbly hurdling the disproportionate armour covered breasts of a prostrate antivaxxer corpse. Just then a small door opened in the gate and I wandered inside.
It was an incredible spectacle. An entire medieval city faded into the distance in a display of colour, architecture, sound and smell. An elderly cadaverous looking gentleman standing nearby introduced himself as Butter is good for burns, and said he’d guide me to the Ballroom, situated in the original Castle Cockamaymee. As we walked along winding pathways he pointed out the various Halls of The Realm of Mythology. Each alternative to medicine was separately represented here as an “alternative medicine” Myth.
The Divinity Campus was huge, encompassing countless Myths and staff. Butter is good for burns informed me that a recent addition in the Creationist Myth faculty was an entire building devoted to tackling Intelligent Design. This bogus “evidence” threatened Mythical retelling and thus the various Creation Myths themselves. Apparently however the sheer power of the Burning Stupid given off by those who accepted ID was unprecedented. Divinity scholars were hard at work researching exactly what was best for Myths.
Butter also made a point of telling me that Theta and Quantum Healing were new faculties not heard of “back in my day”. He said that with such finality that I assumed he may not have long left. Eventually we came to a building large enough to be called a castle in it’s own right.
No doubt the original Castle Cockamaymee around which the city of Castle Cockamaymee had grown. Huge walls and a large slope, now covered in grass testified to it’s original defensive purpose. Butter led me up a huge winding staircase that went on and on crossing huge galleries, passing cavernous hallways and massive doors.
Eventually we seemed to reach the top and he used a huge steel knocker to bang on the door, then excused himself heading off downstairs.
A moment later the door swung open and I was greeted by what I assumed was a younger relative of Sir Vaccines Cause Autism. Just as I recognised the familiar weapons and medals of gallantry he announced, “Ah, wonderful wonderful and well met young Paul. Delighted you could come. Do come in dear chap. Things are just getting under way”, he beckoned with a flourish of his robed arm.
I was astonished. Rather than the usual mummified corpse, he looked quite fresh. Almost alive. “Thank you Sir Vaccines…“.
“Just Autism, dear chap. We can dispense with titles also. Now don’t be too surprised at the state of everyone’s regeneration. There’s been quite a bit of Vaccine Myth retelling at your end and loads of the Burning Stupid. What with the reaction to the immunisation incentives, followed by Dorey on radio, upheld complaints, followed by more interviews before that Woodford business and then the Woodford Festival itself, we’re jumping out of our skin. And it just keeps coming. Delightful! Now come and say hello to…”.
Before he could finish a voice yelled out “Paulie, Paulie, Paulie!”, and a tanned fellow dressed in tennis gear came hurdling furniture and dodging party goers toward us. As he came up I could recognise Improved Living Standards, Not Vaccination Wiped Out Disease. I couldn’t believe this was the same dead and shrivelled husk from a few weeks back.
“Thank Stupidity for Judy Wilyman and Meryl Dorey. Look at what Wilyman wrote to Nicola Roxon following the Immunisation Incentive change in late November”, he gushed excitedly. This is point one in her letter – point one!”. He held up his iPhone and I read:
There is no historical evidence that vaccines controlled any of the infectious diseases listed in government immunization policies – in any developed country.
“It even sounds a bit ambiguous but I’m the only Myth that comes close… and we know it’s one of her core beliefs, so Bam I was on my feet in no time. Then it kept getting retold and believed over and over again. Then Dorey said the same thing on Facebook trying to use the mumps outbreak as proof and then next she’s on 3CR before Woodford. Listen to this!”, he offered passing me the ear buds and tapping his iPhone screen. Sure enough, there was Dorey’s voice saying:
A lot of the credit that’s been given to vaccines for the decline in deaths and infectious diseases has nothing to do with vaccines. Because it all happened before the shots were introduced. Engineers did more to improve the health of Australians than doctors ever have.
“And of course, this is all in the governments own data she reckons. It’s awesome. I’m thinking of changing my name to Engineers did more to improve the health of Australians than doctors ever have, but it’s a bit long. Oh! I mixed it up with some rap also, so I can groove around the place. Have a listen”:
“Anyway, tonight I’m gunna party like it’s 1899”, he laughed. With that he high fived me, and boogied back into the party crowd. Autism smiled and said, “He’s been like that for days now but will soon calm down. Vaccines Contain Mercury is anxious to catch up. He’ll be by the fire if I know him. The nights get pretty chilly around here”. On the way down we bumped into Vaccines Have Never Been Tested chatting with My Child’s Immune System Will Be Overwhelmed. They introduced their lady friend Vaccine Lies as High Pitched Crying and Hepatitis B Vaccine Kills. All looked in great health and we spent some time discussing the intricacies of vaccine testing and the many hundreds of immune system insults children get each day just from putting hands in mouths and going about their business.
My Child’s Immune System Will Be Overwhelmed wasn’t looking his usually nervous self. Autism explained that this was because meningococcal C, pneumococcal and varicella would be part of the full immunisation assessment from July 2013 and that MMR would be replaced with Priorix-Tetra, a quadrivalent vaccine for measles, mumps, rubella and varicella. So whilst the Myth itself was still pathetic, Overwhelmed wasn’t taking it personally and expected quite a lot of retelling. Plus Dorey was on air recently now claiming children receive 50 vaccines before school. We mingled on chatting with the crowd, enjoying the fare. By now the party was in full swing.
Infectious Diseases Are Harmless and Children Should Get Them and his friend Vaccines Actually Cause The Infectious Disease They Should Prevent had no doubt had a few wines, but were engrossed in a fascinating philosophical discussion. Antivaxxers believed in both Myths. Thus, if Diseases Are Harmless (even good as many claimed) was believed then surely there could be no problem with Vaccines Cause Disease – quite the opposite in fact. Similarly, if Vaccines Cause Disease was believed, then this was a bonus for the belief in Diseases Are Harmless or Good. By logical extension on one hand, if children were meant to get the diseases, then vaccines would be the surest way to reach this goal.
On the other hand, if vaccines causing disease was a reason to not vaccinate then this denied the children from wonderful diseases such as “Melanie’sMarvellous Measles“. Clearly they seemed to cancel each other out. Which couldn’t be true as they were both here in the Realm of Mythology, existing under the power of frequently told Myths. A large crowd had gathered around following the discussion intently. They told us the two had already discussed whether one Myth was more mythical than the other, or if one could possibly cancel out the other slightly more.
Scribbled on a piece of parchment was the famous 60 Minutes statement. “So, vaccines are dangerous, and diseases are good”, to which Viera Scheibner had answered “Exactly”. They’d decided that as each Myth made up an equal half of this statement and it was “exact” in an antivaxxers thinking it was proof they were equally valid. Which brought them back to square one. Now they were discussing the impact of human stupidity, posing various ways it might be measured. Sir Vaccines Caused Autism looked on with pride and whispered, “They’re doing well… for non-existent entities of course. Once they work out that human stupidity is infinite and can’t be measured they’ll soon have their answer – even if it takes weeks. Er.., no offence of course dear chap”.
“None taken my friend, none taken”, I replied quietly. “Once they work it out I imagine they’ll be just as shocked as delighted at the sheer glare of the Burning Stupid”. We started to move away as Autism grinned and almost bumped into a magnificently regal and ancient looking character. He took a step back, removed a large hat and offered a sweeping bow speaking in what sounded like a German dialect. Viennese? Austrian? A bit of both? Could it possibly be..?
“Ah Paul”, offered Autism, “May I present my good friend and Peer of The Realm, Sir Water Has A Memory, who holds a similar position to mine in the faculty of Homeopathic Myths”.
Gobsmacked for a moment, I stared at his deep blue vest and purple cape, both etched with golden thread then at the glittering jewels on his sword handle, scabbard, belt and fingers. Eventually I composed myself and managed a bow of sorts. Memory offered a few pleasantries in English and at that moment a younger looking Myth wandered up. “Excellent, excellent I hoped you’d be nearby”, Autism said to him. “Paul may I introduce Homeoprophylaxis, one of our few dual faculty members here at Castle Cockamaymee“.
Homeoprophylaxis shook my hand and extended a warm welcome in a Cuban accent. We stood about chatting and laughing at human stupidity for a while. Both Memory and Homeoprophylaxis were very keen to find out about the progress of the bogus claim that Quantum Physics would one day explain homeopathy. They were delighted to know their Mythical status was not only quite safe but that Theta and Quantum healers had now started using the same excuse. We left them dancing a jig and singing in Cuban and Viennese.
Before I knew it we’d made it to the fire place, which was roughly the size of a garage door. Lounging about in chairs were Vaccines Contain Mercury, Vaccines Contain Toxic Ingredients and Vaccines Don’t Work Because Kids Still Get The Disease, and a host of female Lies. One gracious looking mummified female wandered over and Sir Vaccines Cause Autism introduced her as his wife the good Lady Pervasive Developmental Disorder Is The Same As Autism. No doubt Lady PDD had copped a large dose of regenerative vibes from Woodford, and looked almost as fit as her husband.
Vaccines Contain Mercury seemed to be holding Court over the group, many of whom were toking on a large hookah pipe he kept topping up with hashish and cannabis. Known for his signature reefer Mercury took the view that being dead and non-existent must allow for some vices. He gave me a laid back wave. “I see you met old Shit and Sugar“, he said to laughter referring to Sir Water Has A Memory. “But seriously – lovely chap and dearly loved he is. Come and join us. We’re just discussing topics for this years AGM. My Children’s Immune System Will Be Overwhelmed looks set for a new workload and young Pertussis over there (I waved to a new face) is certain to be approved by the committee as a new Myth. The only issue is which Myth. Bad Cough? Vaccine doesn’t work? Vaccine causes pertussis? Vaccine kills babies? Man, it’s enough to do ya head in”.
Just then a cheer went up and we counted down to midnight. As soon as the cheering, back slapping and kissing of mummified corpses finished a slow chant began. “Pharma, Pharma, Pharma…“, it continued until the muscular and armored physique of Big Pharma Myth leaped on top of a table to thunderous applause.
He was holding a microphone in his massive hand and from somewhere the tune of Mary Poppins’ Chim Chim Cher-ee came from an amplifier.
I joined in the applause as I realised what was going on. Big Pharma had toured with Meryl Poppins during the Supercalifragilistichomeoprophylaxis Tour of W.A. singing the Conspira Conspira Conspira-see duo. He waited for the right moment then started singing in his baritone voice:
Conspira, conspira, conspira-see – I’m evil and wicked and quite darstardlee
Conspira, conspira, conspira-roo – Bad luck will rub off, when I shake ‘ands with you
We tells you people we do things so pure – But in truth we hide, the real cancer cure
Conspira, conspira, conspira-see – You take all my drugs, I take your money
Flying about in me luxury jet – I pull the lever, and it’s chemtrails you get
We seem to work very ‘ard, travelling miles – But in truth we are, shape shifting reptiles
Conspira, conspira, conspirasee – I am just a slave to Malignancy
We tell you we do lots of randomised trials – But just sit around and twiddle some dials
Our ads and our packets are all really slick – But it’s all just designed to keep people sick
Everybody! Conspira, conspira, conspirasee…
Soon the whole place was jumping and different Myths and Lies took turns with the microphone. At one point I found myself dancing with Vaccines Contain Mercury who, reefer in hand, seemed to have mastered a style that combined Square dancing with trying to stamp out spot fires. A few good natured sword fights broke out but of course no-one could get hurt. Improved Living Standards was back dressed in traditional garb thoroughly enjoying himself. I was particularly impressed with the voice of one young Vaccine Lie who I later found out was Doctors Don’t Report Adverse Reactions. She had the crowd in the palm of her hand. Homeoprophylaxis himself looked smitten as she sang:
Supercalifragilistichomeoprophylaxis
If you say it loud enough you ignore there is no praxis
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Supercalifragilistichomeoprophylaxis
When your patients are all dead blame oxygen atom’s axis
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay….
Slowly the night wore on and morning was approaching. I spent the better part of an hour chatting with Autism and Mercury about their early years together. It was easy to see why they were such firm friends. Mercury was furious about Dorey’s recent attempts to promote bogus and fraudulent nonsense to argue vaccines actually do cause autism. “It’s not just you”, he stressed to his friend, “But Lady PDD’s ontology has now been openly threatened by that ridiculous travelling side show”.
“I’m quite fine and so is my good wife and you know how I feel about fuss”, replied Autism. “Which reminds me, we have a sunrise breakfast to share. Paul, it’s been a pleasure once again. You simply must come back for the AGM dear chap, and no I won’t hear of any excuse. We do have time portals after all. How was the journey over? We thought you’d prefer it to our usual choice of coffin or sarcophagus”.
“Awesome… I mean, very comfortable. Quite suitable”.
“Wonderful then. It’s almost time for you to leave, so until next time I’ll be off and bid thee both farewell”, said Autism embracing Mercury in a brotherly hug. With that he headed for a side door and was gone. Mercury was rolling up another reefer and nodded toward the balcony door. I bade farewell all those who were still around (Big Pharma almost broke my hand in a bone crushing shake) and followed Mercury out into the freezing air. “So, what do ya think of the pace?”, he asked.
Words failed me. The sun was coming up and the view was magnificent. It stood to reason that as this was the original castle it was on the highest ground, giving an extraordinary view of the city below. Off in the distance I could see snow covered mountains. On the walls guards patrolled with one or two shooting an arrow or releasing some flaming debris from a catapult.
“It’s breath taking. Never seen anything like it. Is there some sort of battle or war or…?”.
“Battle?!”, Mercury sounded shocked. Nah. Just business as usual. Man, when there’s a battle they’re piled five deep down there. During the warmer months. Now we’re just keepin’ ’em honest as usual. Poor buggers – you’ve seen the different types, yeah? Dyin’ for every stupid pile of bat shit nonsense known to Myth. Lied to by the scum riddled creatures who dream up this madness and hope to profit from it”.
“Sounds familiar”, I replied.
“Indeed. And without you guys who knows what could happen here. Seriously dude. Give our regards to all at Stop The AVN and all the others standing up for science and reason. The more rational your world, the safer The Realm of Mythology. We’re in your debt… what with us not actually technically existing and all. But a Fact is a Fact and a Myth is a Myth. I think the universe prefers it that way”, he said gazing distantly at the sunrise. I was about to agree but thought better of it. Things seemed quite perfect for a moment.
Soon we noticed Byron hovering around a cloud of mist. “Ah. Here’s your ride”, joked Vaccines Contain Mercury. He shook my hand and slapped my on the shoulder. I wandered up to the mist. Byron pointed at my pockets and at the side of his head with his bony finger. Oh! I realised he meant keys, wallet, phone…
“Yes, all good”, I said. Byron nodded and stepped back out of my way. I turned to look back at the heavily armed semi-mummified knight.
“It’s been real man”, Vaccines Contain Mercury said pointing at me with two fingers clasping what was left of his huge reefer.
With that I stepped into the mist and vanished from the Realm of Mythology and the best non existent party I’d never been to.
Following our exclusive report yesterday on the bloody gangland SensaSlim war coming to the Melbourne Laser Skin and Wellness Clinic at Chadstone, investigations today indicate a partial victory.
Skeptical Shoopers swung into action standing up to underworld associate and SensaSlim dealer, Julie Grinberg. After going on record publically and assuring the consumers of Australia she had removed advertisements for SensaSlim we revealed yesterday this claim was in fact a complete fugazi. Chadstone Wellness were continuing to sell their Full Sliming Solution claiming it was backed by a Noble prize.
Despite this victory, we have only cracked open the door into this massive criminal enterprise. Underworld figures are known to seamlessly shift from one income source to another, coldly eliminating competition on “their turf”. The page on Noble Slime has been replaced with a replica of the age old scam of cellulite treatment. This advertising is quite misleading even on the face of it. A visit to the website yields a link to “Cellulite Therapy”. This takes you to a page with the psychologically damaging and completely misleading fearmongering:
Anything that can make us look awkward or out of shape can be considered as a problem
Do not ignore cellulite, it is very likely to get worse if you don’t do anything about it
Yet following the link Slimming Solution Weight Loss offers the same page, the same treatment [http://www.chadstone-wellness.com.au/sensaslim.html]. Documented, unproven, invasive treatment. Again we have misleading advertising but now on two fronts. The TGA clearly state they must “ensure advertisements are socially responsible, truthful, appropriate and not misleading.” But we have one treatment being sold as two. You can access the complaints page here for that reason alone or as we’ll see below for the clearly false advertising on “cellulite”.
Today’s models might wear less but the techno-scam beauty industry is now in full regalia
Of course the claim that any such cellulite treatment works is utterly bogus and serves only to drain money from hard working women who have been hoodwinked by the phrases above. A search for cellulite myths may come in handy and remember shoppers, all cellulite snake oil is backed by no research. Liposuction will produce results for some clients, and make it worse in others. The best non invasive approach, skeptical shoppers, is ongoing exercise for muscle toning and loss of adipose (fat) tissue.
Even then, it’s important to remember what’s going on. “Cellulite” itself is really a made up term to draw marketing attention to perfectly normal cellular changes and histology. It’s proved a boon to gadget makers and charlatans pushing massage, creams, lasers, lymphatic drainage, vacuums, injections (mesotherapy) and now the oxymoron scam “needle free mesotherapy”. “Wellness” itself is a made up term meaning absolutely nothing, but acts as an umbrella term which unproven scams and con artists make liberal use of to avoid in depth explanation of any real purpose.
There is a lengthy critique here of the many scams peddled by Wellness Warriors such as Melbourne Laser Skin and Wellness Clinic and Chadstone Wellness. It actually leads to another pitch for ridding yourself of cellulite via exercise. It may be a sneaky and competitive tactic but is in fact, quite accurate for most women. I will stress I’ve no problem with wanting to feel better about oneself. But do be aware that we’re often told there’s something wrong with us that leads to the belief initially. Body image is a part of us and even mild body dysmorphia is a problem for which some scams have a helpful short term placebo effect. Yet, like the “Seven Signs Of Ageing” skeptical shoppers, “Cellulite” was born to make the cosmetic industry and associates money.
In essence cellulite is nothing more than a description imbibed with negative connotations by the “Wellness” industry to shatter self confidence and take your money. The subcutaneous fat (just under the skin) is bound by connective tissue (collagen). These collagen fibers can and do tear away (or herniate) from other body tissues particularly dermal. Thus with the cells no longer bound smoothly to the underside of outer dermal tissue – or the inside of your skin – we have the traditional dimple appearance that is misleadingly known as cellulite. With herniation away from deeper tissue and other fatty deposits we have bulges of larger mass.
The reality shoppers, is with tearing of connective tissue comes more collagen. There are different types of collagen cells with different purposes, but we know them better as connective tissue or scar tissue. After a time there is nothing apart from surgery that can alter it’s structure. More to the point the notion of repairing or altering the collagen changes that produce what’s called cellulite is from the beginning absurd. This brings us to fat cells. As very young toddlers and children we go through a period of adipose hyperplasia – the growing of new fat cells. They increase in number in response to the growing body’s need to store energy as fat.
At a certain point this process of readily growing new fat cells slows notably. Thereafter extra fat is laid down in the main via hypertrophy – an increase in size of the fat cells. These cells can swell to enormous proportions, dwarfing the original size. Also with obesity levels today hyperplasia is playing a greater role in adults. It follows that the more adipose tissue one has, the more fat one can store. Rubbing in a well marketed cream or using spas and electrical stimulation will not burn off stored energy. Remember Revitol? Promising you’d be in a bikini in 6 weeks.
And yet, skeptical shoppers, the quick thinking folk at Chadstone Wellness would have you believe One of the biggest problems that can ruin our silhouettes is of course cellulite. Predictably they roll out a warehouse of discredited, dangerous, unproven and very expensive scams. Even the research free Bowen Therapy invented by Aussie pseudoscientist Tom Bowen in the early 1950’s is offered with a straight face. I cannot stress this enough. Have nothing to do with Bowen Therapy Scams. It has no body of supporting evidence. So shoppers, what is it? According to the ABC (believe it or not):
Bowen Therapy asks the body to recognise where it is out of balance and bring itself back into balance. A Bowen therapist gives a few succinct messages and the body does the work itself. A therapist rolls their hands in a specific way across the muscle fibre, giving the brain a message to help it heal a particular area.
A therapist may leave the room or sit quietly for 2-3 minutes after each movement to allow the body to process the information. Once the body has had a good treatment, it remembers the moves and each following treatment enhances the healing process. There is no ailment you wouldn’t address with Bowen – a therapist does not cure anything but asks the body to recognise the problems and correct itself.
Ah, it’s sheer Quackery shoppers! But Chadstone Wellness manage to plonk in complete falsehoods that sound sort of sciency:
Bowen Therapy works on the unique structure in the body called connective tissue. These connective tissue fibres, through injury, illness, stress (both physical or emotional) become “dehydrated” or “glued” causing imbalances to occur in the normal functioning of the body.
In applying the Bowen Move, the therapy works to release the “glued” or “stuck” connective tissue fibres in the body allowing them to re-hydrate naturally as connective tissue has the capacity to transform from a glued state to a more fluid state. Blockages are freed. Reconnections are made. From the first move, the body is sent a message that the emergency is over.
Bowen therapy naturally brings about the best rate of healing based on the individual’s own body resources and their level of injury. Over the last 45 years, it has successfully helped thousands of people suffering from a wide variety of conditions.
Yes. A magic touch and scar tissue heals itself! The body does the rest, knowing the “emergency is over”. Can you believe that skeptical shoppers?! 45 years eh? “Successful… thousands of people…suffering… wide variety…”. Be sure to include that in your complaint to the TGA. They’ll want to see documented evidence of these helped people shoppers, evidence! Let’s put this myth of healing connective tissue (collagen) in the trash where it belongs.
Anyone who has been through orthopaedic surgery or suffered an injury that threatens to reduce range of motion or leave a huge scar will remember the painful physiotherapy or occupational therapy that seemed to begin at a cruelly early stage. The threat of losing range of joint motion due to scar tissue gives us some insight into why all cellulite scams are bogus. The tearing of muscle tissue and ligaments in joints leads to the laying down of collagen. The first cells to begin the repair might be thought of as scaffolding or framework. More so, it responds morphologically to mechanical stimuli.
It is this process that offers a window of opportunity to regain range. As this “scaffolding” collagen tissue is laid down the tendons, ligaments or muscle it’s repairing can be forced into as great a range as possible. Then when the next type of collagen begins to form – that which is unyielding – it complies with the range that’s already on offer but provides a much stronger unyielding scar tissue. When the collagen associated with adipose herniates it simply hardens. If “cellulite” is visible the tearing is done and there is nothing that can “reconnect” the fibers that gave integrity before.
Even if there was a technique, it would be flying in the face of collagen histology and also assuming some incredible microsurgery is occurring. So combined with what we know about adipose, we now have some decent evidence as to why all the rituals and tricks are never going to remove the reality of human histology and physiology. One of the most common cellulite scams listed shoppers, is No Needle Mesotherapy. Dr. Lionel Bissoon seems to be the most vocal critic claiming on many a website:
This is truly an oxymoron, since one cannot perform Mesotherapy without injections. This procedure utilizes a technology known as iontophoresis which was used in physical therapy with very little success. It is now essentially repackaged with a new name for cellulite.
Others are a little more scathing of the concept. Some of you will know of the S.A. Mesotherapy Alert concerning Wellness Industry Guru, Monika Milka. Injecting stuff under the skin seems pretty extreme so perhaps we should give Chadstone Wellness a thumbs up. Regarding no needle mesotherapy, they claim:
There are four components to the technology. Let’s take a brief look at each of them.
Activating Current – Promotes greater vascularisation ensuring maximum amount of active ingredient is absorbed uniformly. As a positive “side effect” can reduce appearance of spider veins and enlarged capillaries.
Hydroelectrophoresis – Help active ingredients in water solutions to penetrate inside the skin tissue and transports molecules across the dermal barrier.
Electroporation – Promotes electropermeability of the cell membrane which helps the passage of substances. (This is “virtual needle” part of the discovery).
Cryophoresis – Application of cold temperature to lock the active ingredients into the skin cells. It also moves substances into lower layers under optimum conditions so that more is reabsorbed. This improves the performance of the solution’s active ingredients.
What an amazing library of evidence they must have ready to send to the TGA to back all that up, skeptic shoppers. The TGA are within their rights to demand all evidence that substantiates any claim made. So I’m mighty impressed at what these guys must have ready to hand out. Be sure to copy each one down accurately now. Virtual needles, activating currents, locking cold temperatures. That data must be impressive! And all for your cellulite riddled silhouette.
At least they aren’t jabbing stuff under the skin. Are they? What’s Lipodissolve?”
This is the first clinically proven way of fat reduction without liposuction
Many people see Lipodissolve and Mesotherapy as the same procedure. The major difference is that Lipodissolve is the treatment of the body’s fat layer with PC (Phosphatidylcholine) to permanently dissolve away fat cells…
Phosphatidylcholine has been used intravenously for many years to remove fat blocking the circulatory system and to protect the liver during severe liver illness. When injected into your fatty tissues the PC concentration destabilizes the PC membranes of some of your fat cell membranes, resulting in cell destruction and the release of their fatty contents into the fatty tissue.
Another natural component within Lipodissolve chemical cocktail, Deoxycholate (DC) dissolves the fatty contents into a “milky” emulsion. Your body’s scavenging cells slowly remove this milky emulsion over the next 2-3 months in the same way that they also remove a bruise. The removed fat is partly eliminated from your body via the intestines but it doesn’t cause any discomfort, nausea or diarrhoea. It is also partly used as preferential source of fuel for your body. This means that Lipodissolve forces your body to burn and utilize your unwanted fat.
Wow! Just like walking does! Or any exercise skeptical shoppers! But how safe is it? Shouldn’t there be at least some warnings? I mean Deoxycholic acid is a bile acid here guys – an ionic detergent. Some researchers think Phosphatidylcholine acts to break down fat. It can also rupture cells. Phosphatidylcholine/deoxycholate was banned in 2003 in Brazil from the exact practice described above for safety concerns and lack of efficacy as documented here in Quackwatch (Reprinted from Mortality & Morbidity Weekly Report November 11, 2005 / 54:1127-1130, 2005). Deoxycholate is regarded as the more dangerous and should not be used until a much larger body of evidence supports it.
Stephen Barrett also investigates Phosphatidylcholine/deoxycholate treatment thoroughly, delivering an extensive and not good report, a fraction of which shoppers, includes:
Adverse reactions to cosmetic mesotherapy have been reported…. A major British law firm is representing a young woman who is suing a surgeon who injected her with Lipostabil.
Professional groups representing plastic surgeons and dermatologists in the United States have warned against mesotherapy.
In 2005, the American Society of Plastic Surgeons’ Device & Technique Assessment (DATA) Committee published a report advising patients to be wary of mesotherapy until the safety and effectiveness of the procedure are confirmed.
In 2006, The American Society for Dermatologic Surgery concluded:
Despite the growing popularity of mesotherapy there is a paucity of available data and no randomized, double-blinded controlled studies unequivocally establish that the procedure is safe and efficacious for medical or aesthetic conditions.
Mesotherapy may ultimately prove to be a viable adjunct or option for these concerns, but further study is warranted before this technique can be endorsed.
Controlled research to determine the optimal formulation and treatment regimens as well as the safety, efficacy and further insight into the mechanism of action of this procedure is strongly encouraged.
In 2007, the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery warned against using injection fat-loss procedures until sufficient data are available to demonstrate safety and effectivess.
Clearly “Lipodissolve” is a high risk and potentially very dangerous therapy skeptical shoppers. One should speak only to their GP before considering any such pseudo-technique and be availed of all the risks in a proper clinical setting. Do not believe these advertising claims that seek to lighten you by $750 five times over. Also sold as an oral wonder treatment one would be wise to exercise extreme caution in the presence of anyone wielding a syringe of something not known to be safe or effective and that has a history of complications.
Melbourne Laser Skin and Wellness Clinic (cough) aka Chadstone Wellness also use Pressor Therapy which runs on the myth that as the body is 63% water that’s terribly important. By using scientician jargon and pressure cuffs fluid is forced away from it’s most unsightly location helping with “lymphatic drainage disorders and other organic filtering mechanisms” as you lie horizontal only to redistribute within minutes of you ending “therapy”. It’s actually recommended for 10 conditions so when you see it did nothing for one, you have nine more lives… so to speak, shoppers. It does have uses for bedridden or severely incapacitated patients. Don’t be fooled and ask for a physiotherapist to confirm your need.
There is of course and endless stream of hokus pokus going on down there. And I do mean, down there shoppers. They have struggled yet finally succeeded to find a cure for the hideous condition known as “normal anus”, through a brief yet highly unnatural process of Anal Bleaching:
Just as were losing our home (sic) and were about to take this page off the website we came across a lovely formulation that actually worked. The formulation contains a proprietary patented blend of natural skin lightening ingredients which bleaches your skin, even on most sensitive areas, without causing any irritation except for occasional dryness which can be easily treated by an application of a suitable quick absorbing moisturiser.
Ah, just “occasional dryness” for which they can sell you a moisturiser shoppers. Being inflicted with normal anus may not ruin your silhouette like cellulite does but just think of the confidence as you strut your bleached anus about to your friends’ envy. The pride when you drop the soap in the Fernwood gym showers to gasps of jealousy. Smirk confidently at your colonic irrigationist. Imagine all those hours when you can contort yourself in front of the mirror and admire your new BA in Beauty. Not to mention immediate friendships sealed over your next colonoscopy. Should you end up incapacitated in hospital you’ll be the talk of the nurses office. As for all those worries about what to get Grandma for Christmas…
But wait! There’s more!
Melbourne Laser Skin and Wellness Clinic proudly announce on another page, Nobody’s done what we’re about to do !!!. What?! You mean other people are successful anus bleachers?! But it’s true. Curing normal anus is nothing it seems. They don’t just do anti-aging – they do Speed Anti-Aging! The superiority of Speed Anti-Aging is proven in this table of complex data below. You, shopper, are the green bit:
How can this be possible you’re wondering? Simple:
Our unique five corner approach consists of the following:
Modern scientific methods in combination with natural formulations
Naturopathic involvement to take care of food cravings, deficiencies etc
Self Empowerment therapy to help your mind set
Acupuncture to enhance and speed up the process
Bowen Therapy to help eliminate toxins and waste from your body
A unique blend of modern science and debunked charlatanism at an incredibly inflated price will actually make you live longer. Incredible skeptical shoppers, just incredible. What are you waiting for?! And acupuncture can speed up Speed Anti-Aging! More years with your bleached anus and adverse effects from the mesotherapy that’s better known as Lipodissolve.
Truly, if you aren’t satisfied with these eminent Wellness warriors poking lasers at you, injecting you under the skin, defending your silhouette, bleaching your anus or extending your lifespan newly imbibed with “the body and mindset of a champion”, then you must check the menu on the website.
Sick of putting on makeup? Then perhaps cosmetic tattooing – or “permanent makeup” – is for you. Never wake up looking… well, normal again. After flashing your bleached anus to the girls in the shower at Fernwood you can scare them witless by washing your face and emerging unchanged! Swim laps fully made up and when you’re old, white haired and dying in hospital you’ll double as a clown for other folk. Kids will come from everywhere just to visit!
Of course most of the scams at Melbourne Laser Skin and Wellness Clinic will do nothing of much consequence bar drain your savings and raise your credit bill. That’s not too bad. Unless you want to trust “a talented artist” called Moira to tattoo your face or let someone stick you full of acidic cell destroying compounds. Then shoppers I can guarantee you’ll never forget.
Simply pick your scam from the many on offer and visit the TGA complaints page. It may not come to much because speed anti-aging is in no way misleading or socially irresponsible. Bleaching your anus to the point of dryness needing moisturiser is certainly “quality use of the product”. Everyone needs their organic filtering systems fired up by an over sized blood pressure cuff. Virtual needles are essential in every girls life and in no way deceptive. Bowen therapists will publish evidence any day now.
“They” don’t want you to know
Losing In The Lucky Country 